The Aftermath

64????

November 1996:
Justine

The place was dark, and when I mean dark I meant the people. It was Kadafi's funeral and damn it was a mixture of sorrow and tension, almost as if someone knew someone else might get shot tonight.

I sat on the same row with Tupac, he didn't want to sit next to me, he looked like he was going to but he gave me a look before sitting farther away from me. I had my mother sit beside me and Sira on the over side of me.

'You Aight?' My mom asked

'Yeah I'm fine' I said but she looked at me knowing damn well I ain't happy

'Justine have you told him?' She looked at me

'I tried to....but he didn't wanna talk to me' I felt myself crack up

'Oh, well he'll come around he gon' need someone to comfort him later' she said trying to cheer me up

'Yeah but he won't want me to comfort him' I muttered to myself

Just looking at the casket, I should be thankful, I'm not trying to be selfish or heartless but that could've been me or Tupac in that casket.

I'm not death obsessed but sometimes I wish it was me in the casket, I don't deserve to be living, like look what I've done......

I look at Sira carefully as she goes up to give a speech. Her and Kadafi weren't official but they had a good relationship and I just think that they could've been more than that.

When she hurts, I hurt.......

'Damn, I don't even know where to start' she took a breath so she didn't let it out 'I meet Kadafi a couple of months ago when we were in Death Row and Boy was he different....it was a good different though. He's someone I could relate to, someone who was easy to talk to. He was like the only person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, even if weren't together.....I just wished it did happen' she started to cry

A tear dropped out my eye as my mum hugged me, I felt Tupac's gaze on me a bit so I quickly turned around to him but he adverted his eyes on Sira as she was still giving the speech.

.......

'You good?' Snoop asked me

'I'm fine' I wiped my tears with a tissue

'You don't look fine to me' he noticed

'Well....Kadafi Just died, I have death threats coming to me, Pac hates me and to top it all of I'm nearly three months pregnant!' I vented out to him

'You're pregnant?' He nearly chocked on his drink

'Please don't tell anyone' I begged

'It's Aight yo' secret safe with me' he took me into his arms

'I don't know how to tell him' I cried

'He's the father?' He asked knowing who I was talking about

'Yeah and it's gonna fuck up everything for him' I said

'Be straight up with him' he took me out of the hug

'Snoop he pushed me forcefully, I don't wanna be near him' I got scared

'Are you afraid of him?' He asked

'I dunno....' I started looking about 'can you come with me when I see him'

'I dunno man, he a bit iffy with me' he shoved his hands in his pocket

'Oh okay' I trailed of

'Look, let's go outside' he said to me 'I think the fresh air will be good for you'

We went outside and we just sat outside talking.

Damn Snoop and easy person to talk to too.

I wanted to smoke a blunt but as you could tell I'm pregnant and I can't have any of the weed damaging my baby. Snoop wanted to smoke a blunt as well but he was respectful of me and didn't do it.

A door came opening from behind us and we turned around. I'm not sure about Snoop but really I wish my ass never turned around he, he gonna start something even if he don't wanna talk to me but because I was with Snoop, he gonna feel some type of way.

'So you just gon' take my nigga now?' I felt his presence coming closer to me as the smoke from his cigarette circled around me

'What?' I looked up confused 'I'm literally sitting down getting fresh air' I told him

'Hmm.....' he eyed me walking of as he took a pull from his cigarette

I don't care if it's the wrong time but I can't have this on my chest no more.

'Imma be alright Snoop' I told him

I walked closer to Pac 'Tupac, I know you ain't gonna listen to me-'

He turned around dropping his cigarette on the ground 'Yeah I ain't gonna listen to you'

'Why won't you, I told you I'm sorry' I cracked up

'Exactly, you think Sorry is going to help, why I gotta listen to you when you're at your weakest, I could be dying and your not there for me because you wanna block people out of your life to protect yourself' he said

'But-'

'If not in the mood, and I don't know when I'm going to be' He looked at the ground

He walked off as I tried to tug at his shirt, he removed my hand from it, leaving me hopeless.

'But I'm pregnant' I mouthed out feeling a tear trickle