The Aftermath

81🥀

May 1998:
Justine

'Ohh she asleep' I said to myself

I realised Soon as I get home was her song to fall asleep to as I struggled to sing nursery rhymes to her to get her to sleep.

I got up from the bed I was sitting on comfortably and walked over to her crib which was right beside it.

'Mummy and Daddy loves you and I hope we can work things out eventually to be all together as one day' I reminded her as I kissed her on her forehead 'Goodnight baby love'

I want things to work out, I really do.

'OMG!' I was frightened 'how long were you there for?'

'Enough to hear your voice' he said as it was nothing

'Well you've must've been standing there for a good two minutes then' I assumed

'Well......' he licked his lips

'Well you could stop looking at me funny' I said

'I ain't looking at you' he fixated his eyes elsewhere

'So Whatever is behind me is more interesting?' I thought

'No, well yeah......but.....Jay this is too complicated for me' he said

'I know what you wanna say' I smiled cheekily

I ran downstairs so I could get my stuff and start going. I knew what was going to happen if I continued playing with his feelings and didn't wanna do that.

'Where you going?' He asked

'I need to go home' I said

'It's only nine' he said

'I know but Ginuwine's might be home thinking I'm betraying his ass' I said

'Y'all living together?' He asked

'No' I said 'it took me time to say I loved him and think that's a mistake I've made, I wouldn't move in with him'

'Why would that be a mistake?'

'A mistake, what mistake?' I rushed around the house

'You just said you thought it was mistake to say that you loved him' he said

I knew what the fuck I said, I felt dumb saying it but I was only acting like that so he could come of the subject but obviously that didn't work.

'You must've been hearing wrong' I laughed it off

'Justine!' He pulled me into him as he rose his voice 'How dumb do I look?'

'Well....'

'I'm serious Justine, you were fine a couple of minutes ago and now you need to leave, you're acting up, what's wrong?'he said

'There's nothing wrong, I'm just really tired' I said

'Now you're lying to me' his grip was still on me

'Pac if I'm tired I'm tired' I told him

'If you were tired, you would've told me that first, instead you said you were worried that Ginuwine thought you were betraying him'

'Okay and your point' I said

'You know what, why the hell am I even holding onto you' He spat

'No one told you to pull me like an animal' I spat as he pushed making me go back

'Oh so you one of those guys now, you trying to kill me now' I rose my voice

'What!' He turned his head

'You fucking heard me didn't you!' I shouted

'I'm the last motherfucking person on this earth that would want to put harm on you, don't you ever try to compare me with your ex-boyfriends that made your life hell' he warned me

'Nigga you must've forgotten, you an ex to and you ain't been the greatest too' I spat

'Okay I ain't perfect but has there ever been a time where I was angry with you and I wanted to hurt you.....Has there ever been a time where I've cheated on you.....haven't there been times when I was there for you....'

'Your my best friend, you're supposed to be there for me' I toned my voice down

'And boyfriends aren't?' I got shocked 'Where was DeVante when you were on tour, Where was Michael, your first boyfriend that cheated on you and let Erica pick on you, where was Christoper when you were down, psst Ginuwine don't even think you're loyal to him' he said

All the things were true what he said, where were they? He was always there when they weren't. I feel like a damn idiot because I ain't got nothing to say now.

'You ain't got nothing to say now' he toned his voice down 'I'm not saying these things just for the sake of it, I'm saying these things because I love you, if I ain't love you, I wouldn't even be here trying to talk some sense into you, I would've thrown you out by now'

Damn that last line hurt.....

'Pac I love you too' I said softly

'You say that too me all the time' he said as if I didn't mean it

'No, Pac I really do love you' I told him again 'I loved you Pac since, I was afraid to go back in that state because of our friendship but me not starting again only made it worse'

'Nothing made it worse' he said

'Yes it has, we were just arguing and there was no reason, it's just me always running away from my problems' I realised

'Well....'

'Shut up about well' I said

It got silent, I started rocking back and forth on my heels as I didn't know what the hell to do. I felt the sides of my skirt being tugged as he pulled me closer into him.

My arms snaked around his neck as a cute smile appeared on his face 'do you love me?' I asked

'That shouldn't even be a question, imma love you forever' he said making me warm inside

Our foreheads touched as we gave each other Eskimo kisses before our lips met, which was the first time in two years.

That's the kind of love I want......