The Aftermath

77🥀

March 1998:
Justine

'Mummy loves you' I grazed my nose onto Brie-Ella's nose as she laughed showing her little front tooth that was growing

'Mama' she said

No she didn't!

If you saw my face, I was filled with all sorts of mixed emotions.

'What did you say?' I asked knowing damn well I heard what she said

All she did was go all shy, smiling again being all cute.

'Mama!' I mimicked her

'Mama!' She clapped her hands mimicking my words

Awh my baby just called me mama! I'm not sure if this is her first word or not since she's been with Pac, but at the same time Pac would've called me.

I won't blame him if he doesn't call me because things have been awkward but you know........

I continued to play with Brie, she really distracted me because I was looking through all the photos I took for the cover of my album that I hope to release next month but it doesn't matter I love my daughter.....greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

I picked up the phone beside me to think maybe even things weren't good, he would like to here Brie's first word.

I dialled his number and waited for him to answer but he didn't.

Well that's not a fucking surprise!

He want me to love him but he can't pick up the phone......what can he be doing that's more important than my phone call.

'No Brie, that's not for you' I said as she was reaching her hands to the phone

Next thing she be dialling some next phone number and I could get in trouble.

I didn't even bother to put the phone down, I just chucked on the sofa because I really wasn't bothered. I can't stand these bullshit antics he does. He'll have weeks when I call him and he picks up and other weeks when he don't want to pick up the phone at all, he doesn't even take the time to call back.

Like I know he mad and shit because I chose Ginuwine over him but I'm afraid to ruin our friendship and he fails to see that.

I don't know why Mary always saying that I don't love Ginuwine and I'm in love with Tupac. If I didn't love Ginuwine, I wouldn't be with him.....duh conman sense.

I tucked all my photos into one envelope as I thought I chose to look at the photos later when Brie is asleep.

I felt my tummy rumble and I think it was the same for Brie. To be honest, I haven't really made dinner for myself in quite a bit, I've been ordering fast food and it ain't good for me, especially when I'm coming back in the spotlight, I need to loose the weight!

I picked Brie up with me and but her in her high chair, giving her a toy to distract.

I look at her carefully. The more I look at her, the more I think of Pac. I hate doing this on my own separately and he probably hates doing it himself too.

I remember when I was younger and yes I was poor, both my mum and dad was there, even if they were teenagers, one selling drugs one night and the other at the strip club so they could both provide a shelter over our heads.

Even though Brie can't express her emotions probably, she probably wants us to be together and I sometimes want that too but it just can't.

'I'm not expecting anyone, who the hell is that?' I asked myself

I went and too Brie and ran upstairs to see who it could be.

Y'all might think I'm dumb but yo' it could be an Intruder and I'm not sure if these death threats have died down for sure.

I peeked our the window from my room only to see Ginuwine with bags in his hand.

'Awh' I gushed at the sight of seeing him

I ran right back downstairs.

'Ohh this so much exercise, your mummy is top tired' I said to Brie

'How comes your here, I wasn't expecting you'

'Well just wanted to surprise you' he smiled

I let him in as we walked into the kitchen.

See I didn't give him no kiss no nothing and we've been together for six months. I don't wanna push him away but I feel like I'm doing that.

'Oh I gotta make dinner' I said putting Brie in the seat

'No need, I'll do it for you' He said

'You can cook?' I cocked my head

'And in the bed too' he slyly said

'Aye the baby in the same room' I hit his arm

'Well that's how she got here, she ought to know now' he said

'Not with you she didn't' I said

'I know that but I would've been a good father, knowing that I have a son' he said

'You have a son, I didn't know' I was shocked

'Yep he's only six'

'Damn you've been working hard then' I said

'Yes, yes I have and maybe we could have that together' he said

Ohh shit I'm not planning to have kids with him or even a future, I don't know what the hell I want with him.

Sorry I took long with a chapter, I've been busy all this week.

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