Surviving | In The Life Of An Author

I... | Thoughts

   I... I love you. You literally mean and are everything to me. Since you've walked into my life, even when I didn't know you that well I've always been drawn to you.

   And then I fell for you, and that was hard for me because you were taken and there was a 1% chance that I'd ever get the chance to even tell you how I feel. See I'm the type that if your in a relationship and I like you I'm not going to tell you because first off I'm scared of what you'll say, second off I don't want your relationship to get complicated because of it because just because I like you doesn't mean I'm going to ruin your relationship and third off I don't want your other hating me, so no thanks.

   Those are the three reasons I waited so long to tell you. The funny thing is though the first time you guys broke up all I wanted was for you to get back together which you did but it was because you looked so hurt and I didn't want to see you that way, everyone who knew I liked you was like nows your chance but I sat there begging that you'd guys would get back together and you did. I was miserable that you guys were back together but I didn't want to see you like that.

   And then it happened again and everyone said do it, take this chance and I did because I couldn't wait any longer seeing you get hurt because someone else didn't care, so I told you and I'll never regret that day. That day I was so scared of what you would say so I wrote a note confessing to you and then asking you to the dance and then had my friend give it to you.

   Maybe to you its stupid and you probably would have thrown it away but I kept it, and everytime I look at it I never regret a thing. I was going to throw it away when you left but I couldn't bring myself to do it, Jaida even tried taking it and throwing it away but I just couldn't have her throw it away what makes it funny though is that every damn day that note was within reach of me every second of the day, every damn day I cried and wanted to die while you were away, it was always within reach.

   I think it had to do with the hope of you coming back or maybe because it was a happy memory I didn't want to forget. To be honest I can remember everything from when I was with you, maybe not every conversation word for word but I can remember a lot of it really well.

   I think one of my favorite memories is when you asked me out, you had been looking for me and I had been looking for you and I couldn't fine you and it turned out you had been waiting and looking for me where I would stand and wait for my sister. You came running up to me and looked me in the eye smiling a lot and you asked me out, and when I said yes you gave me the most happiest loving hug anyone had ever given me and then my life had something to it something that had been missing, you, you were all I needed to finally feel happy and alive, you were all I needed. I'll never forget that day as long as I live, the way you looked at me, how happy you look, how it felt when you hugged me. Never will I forget.

   If I could explain to you and everyone else who doubt's how much I love you I think all of you would be astonished by what I feel for you, but I can't explain it because there is no way you could explain something like this, you just have to feel it to understand it.

   I'd do anything for you, I'd trade my life for you to be happy. I'd ask to take all your pain so you'd never be hurt.

I love you Jeffrey Page.