Surviving | In The Life Of An Author

Wish... | Thoughts

   I wish I didn't fall so easily or at least that I could fall out just as fast, been a month at least and I can't seem to think about anyone else.

   Its so selfish to him. I can't move on and I feel as though he should be able to move on without the stress and nuisance of me saying I love him but I don't want him to move on at the same time because I hope he still loves me.

   I'm so... God what's wrong with me? If he loved me he's had the chance to say so. I can't fucking smile anymore, I could for a bit but now I can't even think straight. God I wish everything was better, where I could say I love you and him say it back. I wish we could make us work.

   I hate you for being so beautiful Jeff, so wonderful, someone I wish to have but can't hold. Yours so amazing, I don't hate you but I fucking wish for my life to end because of the toxic drug I crave. I can't have you, I'm so stupid. 

    I wish you forever happy days full of love and joy. I wish you a permanent smile that is real. I wish a beautiful life for you. I wish I could stop loving you so you could live without nuisance. Forgive me.

   Forgive me Jeff, forgive me friends, forgive me world but I wish for a end. I wish to forget everything but the happy memories I cherish. I wish you all to forget me so only I hold the pain. I wish... Everything to be good again.