Surviving | In The Life Of An Author

Closet | Thoughts

   My safe place is my closet, it makes me feel safe and once I close the door the world disappears. I have nothing but my thoughts which kill me but the screaming stops, I go deaf once the door closes.

   As little kids we think monsters lurk under our beds and hide in our closets, but I've never felt that way. I always thought that the monsters were watching from the dark corners of my room, and they were.

   Its kind of funny, I go to where the monsters are supposed to hide but when I close the door the monster goes quite.

   Maybe I'm the monster who's suppose to stay in the closet. People's lives turn to shit after they meet me, so maybe I'm the monster.

   Maybe I thought that I could belong. Maybe I just wanted to be loved instead of hated. Maybe I thought I'd leave for a bit and then return but I never did.

   I'm the monster who's suppose to be in the closet but decided I wanted something else. I hear the monsters when I'm not in there telling me to just stop that no one cares. My head screams words of hate and fear, tears cover my face and no one sees.

   I don't let then see because what if they see me so vulnerable and try to break me more, as though my thoughts, hopes and dreams don't hurt me enough.

   The monster was lurking in the corners of my room, and when I thought I was good it attacked and all I could do was hurt.

   I'm the monster in the closet, hated and unwanted. No one needs me, I'm just here. I tried to live and my very own monster attack.

   Now I fear what's going to happen next. I'm the monster, so why care.