Lust and Love

✊23 - At the Club

I haven't slept that much last night. I thought about a lot of things and I can't control my mind. The bed is getting colder without Alex. Or even when he's here. We've been distant from each other even if we're side by side. I'm sure he feels it too and I feel all the guilt out of this. Just so I could sleep better, I made Max and Emme slept with me in each of my side. Natasha and Ella were sharing a room.

I pretended to be asleep so my kids wouldn't notice I was going through something. But Emme, the more observant one, woke up at the middle of the night.

"Mommy? You're still awake?" She said in her sleepy voice.

"Uhh no baby.. I was already sleeping," I faked a yawn. "Go back to sleep."

I closed my eyes and just forced myself to sleep. Tomorrow is my last day and the following day, Alex will come home. I've done nothing with my plans. I'm already losing hope.

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It's morning and I've been waken up by a noisy Max tugging on my arm. I guess I've slept too much cause I've fallen asleep so late?

"Y-yeah Max.. What is it?" I move and feel my whole body aching. This is what I get from being so stressed out even if all I did was think about my problems.

I need to divert my attention. Something that would distract me away from my problems. That's what I always do in the bad days. Right, I should go to the gym. Actually I can totally work out here at home and just call my fitness instructor. But it's pretty much boring and tiring working out alone. So yeah I'm gonna-

"Mommy we're gonna be late for school! Today is our final exams!"

"Max, is she awake?" Emme calls behind, standing at the door. She then enters and stands beside Max. Both of them already in their school uniforms, obviously ready to go. While me, I just got up with a sore body and still rubbing my eyes.

"I'll call Steve to drive you. I'm sorry I hadn't wake up early."

"It's okay mom. I think you need more rest," Says Max.

"Mama," Emme sits on the bed with visible concern in her eyes. "Is there a problem? You seem to be bothered by something lately."

"Baby," cupping her small face, I smile at her and then to Max to assure them I'm okay. While I'm really not. "Mama's just a bit tired but I'm fine. Very fine. As long as my babies are doing good."

I kiss them both on their cheeks. We all go downstairs as I start to call Steve to come and drop the kids to school.

Alex's daughters are already on the couch waiting, with their's and Max and Emme's school bags.

"G'morning Jen!" Both Tashi and Ella greets.

"Good morning beautiful girls. I won't be coming with you to school today."

Then the doorbell rings, indicating that the three musketeers Steve, Paul and Anton are here.

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Few hours ago I've been in the nearest gym. It always feels good to sweat and burn calories. I miss doing this with Alex. We can really get along when it comes to fitness. I've been busy the whole day. I arranged my stuffs in the bedroom, changed the bedsheets, blankets and pillow cases myself just to make myself busy. Sometimes I stop and think what if I had a normal life. What if I wasn't the JLo that the world knew. It would have been so much different. I would have been only busy taking care of the house and making sure my children and my husband have something to eat when they come from school or work. I would have been a normal person doing normal stuffs like what normal mothers do.

In the afternoon, I facetime mom and dad who were both in New York. I stare at my phone and it's 4pm and I'm just staring at my bedroom wall for a while already, thinking about random things. I didn't notice I have a message. It was Tyrone a.k.a Tyra, my gay choreographer, telling me we only have a week to practice for my performance at the Billboard Music Awards by the end of the month. I told him we'll start practicing on Saturday.

Scrolling through the contacts I suddenly remembered about Leah. Oh yeah I had a bestfriend, right? And we seldomly hang out these days. Because we're also very busy with our lives. She doesn't come over that much either. And the last time I went to her house.. it didn't end up well and it happened twice so I guess I won't be coming over at her place any time soon. I decided to send her a text. Our last conversation was that one in snapchat. And it was not even her.

iMessage from Me > Leah: Hey!! Are you still alive?

And it took her few minutes to text back. Maybe she and her boyfriend were doing something important.

iMessage from Leah > Me: Of course! Miss me already?😘😘

iMessage from Me > Leah: Nvrmind. You're too busy with your boo..

iMessage from Leah > Me: Lol😆 Clubbing 2nyt? At Hollywood?

I'm not actually in the mood but I guess it's good for me to divert my attention so I said yes. We'll meet at a certain club in Hollywood by seven.

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By 6pm Barbara already came to look after the kids. Natasha and Ella insisted they're big enough and will be fine and because there are securities anyway but still, I called Barbara.

I wait for Leah's text or call cause it's never impossible for that bitch to do a last-minute ditch. (What a rhyme.) Like one time when we were flying to Miami to shoot the Live It Up music video. She was so sure she was going with me, we even waited for her at my private jet yet she never came and texted me she had an urgent appointment.

Getting out of the car, I sport out a, let's just say some "minimal" clothing but it's nothing compared to some of my most revealing outfits. It somehow looks decent, just try to picture that out.

"You're not gonna be tailing me inside the club, are you?" I ask when I notice my two usual bodyguards standing each at my side waiting for me to walk.

"We won't be leaving you Miss Lopez."

"Can't I have my space for now? We're in the club so please!"

"Don't worry Miss Lopez. We won't be so obvious. We'll be just in the distance acting like normal clubbers." -Anton

I stand still and them also not moving away, just waiting for my signal. This is one of the things I don't like, being always watched and followed. It's not that I haven't got used to it till all these years, but every celebrity wishes to have some normal life too at some point of their lives.

I think of something then suddenly a smile forms at the corner of my lips.

"If you want to go with me then okay." I strut at them before going to the entrance and getting checked by the security for some valid I.D and other necessary stuffs.

I was ready to go in then, but before I did, I look back to Anton and Paul.

"This club has a strict dress code and I just don't think your outfits would pass tonight." I say with a fake worrying face. "Sorry Paul, Anton. Good boys stay here. Bye!"

I blow them a kiss as I make my way into the crowd.