Lust and Love

👊27 - The BIG Reveal

Jennifer Lopez's POV

"Hey Jen, just called to remind you about your press-conference that needs to be taped mid-June. It will be out on July."

I'm currently talking to my manager on the phone. We haven't been hanging out lately cause we all know I had a lot of things going on. And hearing all the appointments right now that I need to achieve within this month, I just want to roll back to bed and lock myself in my room.

Sighing and unnecessarily scratching my head, I say, "I'm sorry, what's that press-con about again?"

"Second Act. With Pete Segal and your co-stars like Vanessa, Milo and many more. They won't be complete without you, of course." He chuckles. "This has got to get done you know, cause your movie hits theaters on September, remember that."

"September?"

"Yes, Jen. September. Don't tell me you also forgot!"

"O-of course.. I don't. I just wanna make sure. Yes, September it is."

I've been forgetful lately..

But I guess Benny already know me so well, for all the years we've worked together he surely can figure out when I've been through something.

"Jen, is there something going on?" Benny sounds so worried. And I don't want more people to worry about me. Ryan is already one and I feel like I'm being a burden to him.

"Nothing!" I try my best to sound delightful. "What else do I have to do?"

"Your Vegas shows and World of Dance. And Shades of Blue season 3 is getting heated."

And speaking of Vegas, my new show dates starts next week. And thinking about it makes me feel like I just carried a hundred of hollow blocks on my back. I sigh again.

"And before all of that, you still have a whole-day photoshoot for PopGlam in The Hamptons on Wednesday."

"Oh.. What day is today?"

"Sunday. Come on Jen, whatever you're going through right now, you can overcome that eventually. We can do it."

"Look, can I just decline that gig in The Hamptons? I never signed to them anyway."

It's just I'm really tired and I'm too stressed out to deal with anyone and anything at this point.

Sensing that Benny wouldn't be happy about this, he sighs before answering, "Okay I'll try to tell PopGlam. We won't cancel this gig. We'll just ask for re-schedule."

"Thank you."

"Jen, I know there's something going on and I understand if you're not sharing it right now. But remember I can always lend an ear to listen."

"I know. Thank you so much Benny. I'll be okay."

"Call me anytime if you need anything, okay? Or you can approach your publicist if you have other questions of your schedule."

We say our goodbyes before hanging up.

I go back to bed and just rest my head, my body in an inclined position with pillows stuffed behind me. I've been staying in the bedroom a lot lately. Alex appreciated the new bed sheets and other stuffs I changed myself in our room few days ago. One of the many things I like about him is that, he would always notice the little things I do and appreciates them. But Ryan is also a-

"Love?" Alex suddenly snaps me out of my thoughts as he enters the room. "Are you okay? Is there a problem?"

I'm okay. No. I'm so tired of lying to him. Lying to everyone and pretending to be okay. I can't form the right answer for his question, instead, I feel my eyes hot and tears forming.

"Did I miss a lot when I'm away?" He looks really concerned and worried as he sits at the edge of the bed, beside me. "Are you not feeling well?"

I still don't know what to say. Not because I don't have the words. But because there are too much to say. I don't know which one I should tell or shouldn't. Or if I'll tell everything, where should I start?

He cups my face and looking at his eyes, I can no longer keep on hiding what's bothering me. But is this really the right time? Should I spill everything? If he truly loves me, he'll understand, right? I'm very confused. My tears starts to crawl down my cheeks.

"Jen, don't cry. I'm here for you. You can tell me everything," He says. "Is it about the showbiz? The haters?"

"The haters, that's too childish." I force a laugh but then I go back to crying again.

"Is it about Leah? Me? Or maybe other people?"

I cry even harder. I really hate to mention this name. It feels like I swallow a rock and it stuck in my throat.

"It's Beau." I blurted out.

He bites his lip problematically. Perhaps he already know, don't he?

"What did Beau do to you?"

"He scares me. He says he would never stop and he'll make sure he'll ruin my career and family. That skinhead threatens my life." I keep on crying in every word I utter. I almost struggle breathing.

"Why would he want to do that?"

"I don't know. He's a psycho! He always wanted to drag me down."

"Is he blackmailing you?"

"Yes.."

"About what?"

I thought for a while. If I'm gonna tell him that Beau's blackmail is about me and Ryan.. Oh no.. I'm not ready to tell this to Alex. I don't want to hurt him. I would still ruin our seemingly perfect relationship. I would disappoint my love ones all over again. No, I can't let this happen. I can't tell him just by now..

"I don't know what he's talking about.. He is crazy!"

Alex hugs me and I hug him back. I'm glad that he didn't force me to answer further questions.

"I will protect you from him. Let's just stay silent, okay? We can't let this out to the media. We don't know what that guy can do."

I continue to sob in his embrace. I should feel a little bit of relief now that Alex know about my problem with Beau, but I'm not. Because I didn't tell him everything yet. And I feel so guilty. I don't know how to say to his face about my affair with Ryan.

"Baby, I'm sorry." I say, my voice almost unrecognizable due to too much crying lately.

Still hugging me for comfort he responds, "Don't be sorry, love. I'm always here for you."

No, Alex. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Sooner you will know why.

"Please don't tell the kids or my mom or anyone at all about this. I don't want them to worry."

He nods in assurance.

"Sealed."