Lust and Love

😣18 : Dreadful

No matter how many times I change my position, I still can't get myself to sleep for a few hours already. I never remember myself having an insomnia or having a problem in sleeping. As far as I can remember, the last time I've been struggling getting enough hours of sleep was when I divorced with Marc.

I think I've moved too much cause I've waken up Alex, who was sleeping next to me.

I suddenly feel his arms wrap around me, my back facing him so we're basically in a 'spooning' position.

"You're not sleeping yet?" He asks.

Few things are rolling over and over in my head. I think about my problems and I can see the terrible outcomes in the future if I won't make immediate actions and fix them. But how will I do my first move when I can't even tell anyone at all at the very first place? This is exactly what's been keeping me awake this few nights and giving me headaches the following days.

"I can't sleep." I sigh.

Then I regret saying it afterwards cause I know he'll be curious, might as well interrogate me for more. Should I just tell him? I guess it's time for him to know. And he should be the first one to know about my issue with my psychopath skinhead ex right now. Right, I should just tell him.

"Alex.."

"Hmm?"

But.. If I'm gonna tell him about Beau's threat, that means I'm gonna tell him all about Ryan too! That, Ryan is the reason why Beau is black-mailing me! Shit and that will only add to my problems.

"What is it hun?" Alex asks burying his face in my hair.

How will he react? What would he think about me afterwards? He would think that his girlfriend is a cheating bitch that could never be trusted.

Fuck, I should not tell him then.

"I.. I-I love you baby.." I say, instead of blurting out my problems.

"Hmm I love you too."

Then I feel him starting to plant light kisses on my neck as he clears my hair away from the skin. He pulls me close to his body as he continues nibbling on my ear and his hands slowly reaching for my boobs.

I hold his hands while they are squeezing my breasts. "Ohh Alex.."

Shifting my position, I turn around to face him, he immediately crash his lips unto mine when I was finally facing him.

I try my best to put myself into the "mood" but the things that are running in my head are just stopping me and holding me back.

"Papi.." I whisper as I pull off from the kiss. "Not now. There's just too much stuffs running in my head."

He looks disappointed and it hurts me to see him like that. I really felt sorry for him, he's just in a really bad timing.

"I'm sorry Alex."

"No Jen, don't be." He says in a very caring tone. "It's okay baby, it's okay. I understand."

I give him a light peck then he pulls the covers to comfort me.

"Whatever's bothering you, you've got to sleep that out."

My phone on the nightstand suddenly
vibrates. I usually turn my phone to silent mode during the night and now whoever it is, it should be something important. At this very late hour, who could it be?

When I reached for my phone, the text on the screen is not from someone I'm very pleased to read. It was from an unknown number but I already guessed who it was.

iMessage from 1-310-601-2100 > Me:
Come at Leah's 2morrow. She will be away 4 an hour. If u'll not come by 1, u know d consequence.

I almost want to kill myself right away. I think it's much better rather than fulfilling that stupid deal tomorrow. 😩

"What is it hun?" Alex asks.

I calm myself before I'll burst in to tears. "Nothing, baby. Nothing important."

I delete the message as fast as I can and put my phone back on the nightstand. I sink myself into the covers, hug Alex, and force myself to sleep, bracing myself cause tomorrow will be a very dreadful day.

God kill me now.