Lust and Love

💚50 - Is there a "next time"?

When I was scrolling through Instagram the next day, the first post I saw was Ryan's. It was a video of him and Christiane. He was so happy when he found out they're having a baby boy. I didn't want anyone or especially him, to think that I'm bitter, so I put "So happy for you!!" in the comments. And yep.. A lot of people replied to my comment saying they somehow missed the "Ryannifer" tandem and stuffs like that which I just totally ignored. But there was this one reply I could never forget. It went: the girl's name is Christiane Lopes. He knew he couldn't have Jennifer Lopez so he gets someone similar instead lol

It's been exactly a week since that incident at Ryan's new house happened, which, I hate to think about ever again. I could hardly process in my mind the things that went that day. I don't know if it was horrible or unforgettable in a nice way. Or maybe both. But first, to be honest, I was kind of upset with Ryan. Why did he kiss me at the first place? I know I had a mistake too cause I never stopped him, but why did he do it when he already had his girlfriend pregnant? What if she had caught us? She'll think I'm a whore? After that thing happened, I start to doubt if Ryan really did love me or he was just being selfish the whole time.

"Okay, perfect!" Says the make up artist after perfecting my smokey eye and the usual stage look I wear in every concert I do.
"Thank you."

I've been working and working a lot as usual and everything I do always pays off at the end. Thanks for Benny who's always giving me so much stuffs to work on, my kids who are my strengths, and of course.. Alex. The man of my life at this very moment. I can't express in words of how grateful I am having him. We're like soul mates.

I checked myself in the vanity mirror while the hairdressers are doing their job to style my hair. I want to make the most of this night. Tonight is the very last of my Vegas show and I want everyone to enjoy and just dance the night away. I've been through a lot this year and as I've already said before, no matter what happens, you'll live, you'll love, and you'll dance again.

I almost teared up as I reminisce all the things I had went through. I barely had time meditating and having deep thoughts just with myself lately.

"Are you okay, Jen?"

Benny suddenly approaches me and gives me a worried look. Maybe he noticed me being too quiet a while ago.

"I'm fine, Ben." I answer. "It's just that.. I can't believe this day would come. I'm going to miss everyone and all the faces I met in All I Have."

"You are the best, Jen."

"Thank you for always believing in me."

I smile in awe before pulling Benny into a tight hug.

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Backstage 10minutes before my final show..

"Thank you Jesus for everything.. Thank you God!" I could feel my tears welling up in the corners of my eyes and we all gathered in a circle, closing our eyes, holding each other's hands as I lead the prayer, few minutes backstage before the final show.

My whole backup dancers, the band,  the whole crew, Benny and the rest of my team are all here. Alex, his daughters, my family could never miss an appearance too. Leah is also here,  of course. But she never mentioned if she's with Beau. He'd better be not here cause he's definitely the last person I would want to be around on this momentous night. I hug Alex and kiss him on the lips. He's been a huge supporter of everything I do. And he's always been there no matter what..

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Finally done! I never felt so accomplished than ever! Though some part of me feels sad, I'm really going to miss the whole All I Have thing. Anyway, I am so excited, this is a new milestone for me and my team There's gonna be a big after-party and I also have some famous faces attending. Sofia Vergara, Becky G, Dua Lipa, Jessica Alba and so many more celebrities are here to party tonight.