Lust and Love

🙅42 - Ryannifer No More? Totally?

A/N: I know I said I won't update this week but I typed this chapter 2 weeks ago then I remember uploading this while travelling to hell (I'm currently heading to school!) Here it is..

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Ryan Guzman's POV

She was so happy on her birthday. She was with her family and friends. And Alex. I wanted to greet her happy birthday. But chose not to bother her instead. I wanted to send her a gift, but my instinct told me its a bad idea. I wanted to be there at her birthday, to celebrate with her special day, and make unforgettable memories. I wanted to kiss her, and make her happy for the rest of the day.

But how pathetic am I for even thinking such idea? I haven't seen her ever since. And I haven't heard from her personally. Well, except in the news cause she's always in them, making headlines of how stunning she is and how "goals" they (Alex and her) are.

She hadn't even texted or contacted me at all since then. Maybe she was trying to "move on". Maybe she already moved on and totally forget all about me,  for good. And the idea of it is just making me really sad. But if that's what's best for her, what's best for us,  what's best for everyone else, then I'll accept it. I'll just be happy for whatever makes her happy. But for the record, it doesn't mean that when I try to forget her, I'll also stop loving her. I still love her. She's been a part of my life, how could I unlove a woman like Jennifer?

It's all my fault cause I've been stupid. I've been weak. And being a pathetic lovesick bastard. Who could have expected that a relationship that started from lust, could turn into love.  I didn't even think that that is possible. Now, people that would say lust will never lead to love or lust and love are very different things that would never intersect, they are all stupid. As cliche as it sounds, I've been falling from lust to love. Or maybe it has been love at the very beginning but was just mistaken as lust?

But all these realizations are too damn late. I know,  I'll never have her.  She'll never be mine. And she's now happy. With someone else. She's already happy with her life without me. And that's pretty unfair cause I'm broken without her. Fuck that.

Before, I could only dream about Jennifer Lopez. When I had her in my arms, I had been so lucky. But now that it's time for me to let her go, and knowing that I'll never be her man, I could only dream about her.. again.

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Jennifer Lopez's POV

I could never be any happier and contented with what's going on in my life. It's just too much. I mean, blessings for me overflows. As I've said, World of Dance here and Shades of Blue season 3 there. And my rom-com Second Act will be out on December 11th cause it's been rescheduled.  And I've got to produce and perhaps also star in another new movie soon. My staff and management will still be working on it.

And also, I've been nominated for Michael Jackson Vanguard Award! Hurrayyy for me! Well, thank you so much for my fans. I owe a lot from my JLover family. And speaking of fans, I got really emotional when I had an interview about getting such prestigious nomination and talking about my long run in the industry for 25 years. Twenty-five freaking years! And what's making me really touched is that, for over 2 decades in my career and I see same faces in the front row. It's like, most of them grew old with me, seen me grew up and changed. And that's just.. really amazing. My fans are always amazing and I've always been grateful about them. I can always feel all the love. As they say, I've been a "part" of their lives. And of course they are part of mine.

Thinking about all those stuffs I've been very grateful for lately, maybe it's the, let's say, "revenge" of the hardships I've been in the past months. Life is really like that. If today is your bad day, then don't worry cause tomorrow or the other following day will surely be a lucky one. It's like when you're pulled backwards and you're feeling really down, don't worry cause you are just being launched to set and go forward.

And also speaking of "hardship" I almost forgot about my new dilemma few weeks ago just before my birthday. Yep. Leah's stupid theory of me being pregnant. I could just laugh out the idea cause that sounds really ridiculous. But even if my best friend is sometimes exaggerating stuffs, she can also really be right sometimes too.

But if I'm pregnant, why don't I feel anything wrong about my body? We all know I've been spending hours at the gym to get these curves that I'm lucky to have, but I never feel something. Like some new creature is living inside me. But what was that I felt few months ago?  Maybe that was just really stress and all. But Leah's so convincing. She can really be stupid but still right sometimes. Like when she once said that what if she'll date some of my exes one day.  And boom.  Now she's dating Beau and no one predicted that besides herself.

And I said before that I'll investigate about this preggy thing after my birthday.

And yet I don't know when exactly cause I'm still having a lot on my schedule. And when I say a lot, it includes a short get away of me and Alex to Italy. We're gonna have a boat riding!! Actually, this vacay thing was inspired from Leah and her.. err boyfriend's "romantic" vacay and some "reconciling" shit. Since Leah still hasn't come home, and I can't go with my investigation alone without her, just gonna have some chill and cruise at Italian seas first.

After all I'll lose nothing anyway if I'll do a check up, right? Unless if it will be positive, then I'll do another deep thinking and analysis, and have sleepless nights again. But since I'm looking forward for mine and Alex's lunch in one of the finest restaurants in Italy, I'll start worrying about what I should wear on that day. A perfect outfit for the date. Something that says, I'm not a hooker, but I'm not a nun either.

I'm so excited!! Might as well learn some Italian language, haha. Will Alex propose to me? Dios mio, he'll might propose to me in Italian! But I'll not understand him. Right, I should learn the language. Oh, a romantic proposal.. Might be in Venice!

Oh god, since when did I thought insane thoughts like this. I'm too old to think like an immature teenager WTF..