You Come First

26

1 month in

My uncle and I sat in the waiting room. I bit all of my nails off by that point- gross I know.

This month was hard. I had a very bad time throwing up and eating. I knew I had to eat but I just lost the will to live. All I did was cry and think about the mess I got myself in to and how much Liam wouldn't want this baby.

Every day was a misery. My heart ached thinking about Liam and the defenceless baby in my womb. I cried myself to sleep and I cried  good morning.

I managed to tell Jodie and my uncle what happened and as I imagined their advice was brutal. Some people don't change at all. They suggested I have an abortion considering the factors. We decided I wouldn't tell my parents. I felt guilty . I knew the right thing to do was to tell them both and Liam but something in me was stopping me.

Jodie and my uncle wouldn't let me live. They were constantly yelling at me for waking them up throwing up and saying I couldn't stay if I had my baby because "extra costs." They even went as far as telling me Liam would run off if he was given the chance. My mental state was getting worse because of them..

"Sally?"

My heart started racing.

I followed the nurse in. She checked all my details and reassured me. Even asking me if I'm sure I wanted to do this. I was petrified and a big part of me was saying don't do it . But I knew I had to.

" If there is anything you would like to tell me you can , I can see you're very nervous love "

" I'm fine " I lied.

A few hours later I was ready to go home. Everything ached and my heart broke in to 2 big pieces. It fell apart. I couldn't believe I killed a piece of me and a piece of Liam. Could it feel the pain? Is it going to hate me forever? Will I have to pay the consequences  for this in the future ? And will I ever be able to have kids again? Each and every question running through my mind killed me. I was convinced I would get punished for this at some point in my life.

My parents would be so ashamed if they knew. They would sink to the ground and disown me for sure.

"You did the right thing kiddo " my uncle said while buckling his seat belt-sending me a sorry smile. " I am sorry that this is the way it had to be but we can't afford to keep you here and the baby too"

I sat in silence for a while - too upset to say anything. Tears stung my face like a thousand cuts.

" will you be alright?" He asked keeping his eyes on the road.

" I don't know if I did the right thing"

" You said yourself you couldn't have this child because Liam wouldn't want It."

" And you said he would run off"

" He probably would do, I'm sorry to say but you told me you and him had a similar conversation and he said he wouldn't be there for you, right?"

" Right " I agreed remembering Liam didn't exactly ever mention anything about sticking around if I became pregnant.

" So you see. If we had the money and time for a baby while you go off to college from September or whatever then the situation would be a little different. But... you didn't even want to tell your parents. "

" Because I don't want to dissapoint them "  more tears fell down my face as I said it.

" Your parents love you Sally"

" Because there's a lot they don't know about" I said shamefully.

" Then keep it that way."

...

Liams pov:

" Liam!!! Liam fucking open up now!" Noel screamed down the house. I could hear the stairs creek when he ran up them. Jesus what's he want now?

I was just getting out of the shower and putting fresh clothes on , trying to motivate myself to get out of my bedroom for once.

" What the fuck is it loud ead?!"

" Fucking open the door and I might tell ya!"

I mentally sighed and swung the door open " what?" I didn't bother being nice because I wasn't interested in what he had to say.

"I found this letter mam wanted to send Sally"

"What's it say?" My eyes opened up a bit - being interested all of a sudden. I haven't heard from her since she left and my stomach did a flip.

" I don't fucking know"

" Then wha-"

I was cut off.

" Look at the fucking adress . Mam must have forgotten to take it with her this morning"

I took the letter from him and looked at where it was addressed. My heart sunk. She's fucking crazy going there alone. I couldn't believe she would put herself at risk just to get away from me .

I stared at the letter in disbelief.

" What the fuck are you waiting for ?! Come on! We need to go there !"

..