Fitzsimmons

Deserving

Quick Note: I don't know where this one came from; some of it is really quite sad. And some of the problem isn't resolved. It's just what I think would happen.

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After all the initial drama regarding their relationship had come and gone, Fitzsimmons sat on the floor in front of the TV in their very own hotel room (that they would also share with Skye, once she got back from grocery shopping with Triplet). Coulson used the little remaining cash to house everyone as the Playground went under construction.

Coulson had said Fitzsimmons' relationship was fine, going so far as to create a new S.H.I.E.L.D. rule encouraging team members having strong relationships. He said it would make each agent stronger when completing their every day task, whether that meant aggressively protecting their significant other when fighting or working quickly to see them again.

Fitzsimmons had acted appreciative of the new rule, but honestly they would have been together even if Coulson had rules against it. Jemma had doubted the institution and its rules enough times to not care about them anymore. Fitz was too in love to care.

As Jemma looked through the channels, Fitz opened a bag of chips from the vending machine. He offered her some, knowing she didn't like them, and she shook her head, so Fitz dug into the snack.

"Harry Potter weekend on ABC Family?" Jemma offered.

"Yes! Which one's on now?" Fitz asked as Jemma set the channel.

She examined the screen for a moment, then sighed and said, "Deathly Hallows Part Two. We've missed all the others." She pouted.

"This one's good, though. Final battle, Snape's memories, lots of death and tears." Fitz watched her reaction and tried not to burst out laughing.

Jemma punched his arm.

"Ow! That's the arm that broke, Jemma!" But Fitz was laughing.

"Want me to hit the other one, then?" she asked with a grin. She looked over at his laughing face and crawled so that she fit between his arm and his side. He was stiff at first, but loosened after awhile.

"Why do you always tense up when I touch you?" Jemma curiously asked. She couldn't help it. She was a scientist looking for answers.

"It's just," Fitz began to explain, then chuckled a little. "I never... For a moment I sort of forget we're together, like this. I didn't expect you to reciprocate feelings, ever, so when you touch me, my mind says, 'She just wants to be friends.' I have to control myself. Not let my best friend in the world know I love her."

"But I love you back." Jemma whispered, feeling horribly about what she had caused him.

"I know," he started with a reassuring smile. "It's just I've done that for a long time. It's habit now." And although Fitz hadn't said any of this in a hurt way, Jemma felt a tear escape her. Was she really so daft before? Did she never once notice the pain he was suffering from?

"Hey, Jemma. The sad part hasn't even started yet." Fitz pulled her closer and brushed tears away with his thumb.

"I just feel like a horrible person," Jemma admitted tearfully. "I didn't even know how much you were hurting."

"Oh no, Jemma," Fitz wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer if that was possible.

"I'm not going to say it didn't hurt. It hurt like hell," Jemma turned into him to muffle the sob she knew was coming. Fitz kissed the top of her head. "But it was okay, Jemma, if it meant there was still hope for us."

"Why couldn't I have seen it sooner?" Jemma managed when she had calmed down enough.

"What we have now is perfect. I couldn't ask for better." He was rubbing her arm with his thumb, trying to comfort her.

"I love you so much, Fitz." Jemma whispered before shifting upwards so she could meet his gaze. He was smiling slightly, but she could tell the memory of holding back had gotten to him.

Jemma wanted so much for him to be completely happy, though she knew how improbable it was. She couldn't shake the fact that she was the reason why. Jemma desperately wanted to make up for it. She figured the only way she could try was by assuring him of her unconditional love.

She leaned forward a few inches and trapped his lips in the most meaningful kiss she could. It wasn't enough. Fitz still wouldn't be fixed after this.

Jemma attempted to take it further, desperate to convince him, but Fitz grasped her shaking hands and broke the kiss.

"Jemma, you don't have to do this," he truthfully told her. "You don't want to. Please, just stop." This was the moment Jemma broke. She sobbed into Fitz's sweater as he tried to calm her down, murmuring 'I love you's. Even now, after she had broken his heart so many times, he was there, comforting her like always. She didn't deserve him, plain and simple.

"Jemma, I know you so well. I love you so much. I know that you love me, too. You don't have anything to prove to me. I accept you as you are. This... thing I have. It'll always be a part of me. I can't change it, and I'm sorry that makes you so upset. Just know that I will never, ever hate you. This is a fact. Jemma Simmons, I am completely and hopelessly in love with you."

"I really don't deserve you." Jemma whispered as silent tears ran down her cheeks. "I never will."

"Jemma, I really don't deserve you, either." Fitz replied with a smile. "That's what everyone in a good relationship thinks." Jemma laughed softly.

"There you go." Fitz grinned, and Jemma pulled away from the damp spot her tears had made on his sweater.

The couple went back to watching, but not really watching, the movie. Fitz played with Jemma's hair while Jemma relaxed her head on his chest. She eventually fell asleep there, but Fitz didn't have the heart to make her move, so he pulled a comforter off of the bed and wrapped them both in it. Though he was in an uncomfortable position, he slept.