The Only Reason- 5SOS Little Sister

Chapter 38

Another clap of thunder shook the ground as I turned onto my street. The tears that were streaming down my face were mixing with the rain pouring from the sky. I turned onto my driveway as a new set of disappointment and anger flared through me. I opened the door and slammed it shut behind me, walking into my house. Luke stood in the kitchen with Calum, who was drinking what looked like tea.

"Oh my god Brookie. Why are you all wet?" Luke asked me. I stared at him through slitted eyes and shook my head. I walked past him and Calum and ran up to my room. I locked my door and went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I pulled off my clothes that were clinging to my wet bod but before I stepped into the hot shower I noticed something on my leg. Bruises in the shapes of finger marks on my leg where Ash held me to tightly the other night when he was drunk.I stepped in the shower and tried to relax but a new set of tears came to my eyes. Maybe Jacks text didn't go through and they didn't know to come pick me up? I felt incredibly sad as I got out of the shower and out on sweats and a t-shirt. I brushed my teeth and went out into my room. I sat in my window seat and pulled my legs up to my chest and squeezed them to me to try to get the closure feeling I was missing. I stared at out the window, my mind blank with sadness as I watched the thunderstorm. I felt like the storm. I was angry and sad and wanted to break something - preferably my skin - but I would just cry instead. Maybe thats how it would always be. I felt empty, like I had nothing inside of me. I felt like there was no meaning to even live anymore. I don't know why I felt like this, it just kinda hit me like a slap in the face. I was sad even though I had no reason to be. I got up and took my anti-depressants then went back to the window seat. I hate this, feeling like I had to rely on a drug to make me happy. Why cant I just be like other people and be naturally happy? I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat but it didn't work. I pulled out my phone and sent my brother Jack a facebook message about how things were going, leaving out everything sad thats happened. I wanted him to think I was happy and that he didn't need to worry about me. I rubbed my wrists and took a deep breath.

It was killing me.

This constant itch on my wrists.

I heard someone knock quietly on my door. "Brooke?" It was Cal. I didn't make a noise. I wanted to think I wasn't here. Maybe he would leave of he though I was in the shower or something. "Brooke,  open the door. Let me talk to you." He tried to door knob, which I had locked. I didn't make a noise. "Brooke im going to pick the lock." Calum said. And he did. As the door swung open I laid my head to the side againt the window and pretended I was asleep. He sighed and sat at the other end of the window. He nudged my leg with his hand and tried to "wake" me up. I let out a fake whine and opened my eyes.

"What Cal?" I whined. He sat back against the other side of the wall, facing me. He opened his legs and put one on each side of me so I was sitting in between his legs.

"Why did you walk home? Wasn't Jack and Alex going to give to a ride?" He asked as his eyebrows smushed together in confusion.

"No actually, you guys were. They had to go to sound check and Jack texted Michael to come and pick me up. I called all of your phones but nobody picked up. I waited for a long time because I thought that you were just late, but you never came, so I walked." I said quietly. His face fell and I felt my stomach clutch in a knot. I shouldn't have told him everything. He opened his mouth to talk and it just hung open, like he couldn't think of anything to say.

"I-im sorry. I- We- I-"

"Calum, its fine. Its just a little rain I didn't melt." I tried to make him think that it wasn't a big deal so he wouldn't feel bad.

"Yeah but-"

"And its not like the text was send to you. Where is Mikey anyways?" He bit his lip. There was something he wasn't telling me. "Cal."