Gotham imagines/Preferences ~❤~

The Note

EXTREMLY sensitive themes

seriously DO NOT read if you have been through suicide and depression. Unless you want to.

You choose the character it is directed at.

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Suicide. The act or an instance of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally.

So apparently I'm meant to write a letter or something? I don't even know where to start. I guess I'm using this as a kind of vocal point. You ever had so much to say and planned it all out in your head, but when it's time to actually say it your mind is blank? Well that is what it's like writing this.

Sometimes the pain just gets too much y'know? Sometimes words just can't describe how somebody feels inside. Maybe the warning signs weren't enough? I just honestly don't know how I've gotten by these last few months. The thoughts that plague my mind day and night are enough to break somebody. Being called mentally unstable by your own mother is damaging. You don't know how much I want to lay down and die. It fucking kills to just live anymore.

I'm emotionally exhausted. The scars that litter my body serve as a reminder for each individual fuck up and just how much I hate myself. I even failed to kill myself. The tablets didn't work and I woke up the next day devastated. But of course the cutting is just for attention. Obviously. Because there is no chance on earth that somebody could feel so shit about themselves that they push everybody they ever cared about away from them. Nobody can be scared to love right? Bullshit.

Maybe locking my emotions away and keeping them bottled up, isn't the best way to cope but it's easier than explaining. It's easier because how is somebody supposed to explain something  that's going on inside their head, when they don't understand it themselves.

I guess the pain just gets too much. The cutting. The starving. Locking myself away in my room, away from everybody. The overdose. All of them was a secret cry for help, but you overlooked all of them because it was "Attention seeking" or "You're copying your friends" or "It's all an act". I guess it's true when people say you never really know what people are going through until it's too late.

And that's what you are. Too Late. Because the only way you're reading this is because I'm dead.

Shocker right? Who knew little old me could be driven to suicide? Because I knew I didn't. Not until now of course. Like I said, the pain just...won. Don't worry though, you'll make it through the night, just hug your pillow tighter. Pretend I was never here to begin with. We all know that should be easy enough.

Wow I started with nothing to say and now this. I don't know, maybe I'm mad, maybe I've completely lost my mind. All I know is that this world just isn't my place. Oh well, I'm not going to be missed. You'll forget about me in a few days. I was probably a burden to everyone I met anyways.

I guess my only relief now is death. The blissful nothingness of death. Don't cry too much over me though! After all I'm "Not worth it". Hah that's funny.

Y'know It's funny really... How you can go from loving somebody to hating them entirely, honestly I hate you but there is just one small part of me that can't stop loving you... I know you probably don't and never felt the same way but, well fuck it right? Better to say it now, y'know because I'm dead? So I hope your happy with yourself... Congratulations!!! You successfully ruined somebodies life! How does that make you feel? Well I hope you're happy and while you might not ever see this, I want you to know you fucked up, I loved you.

Oh! I got a story to tell you. So this little boy came up to me the other day, yeah I know right me! Well here's what the conversation went like.

Little Boy: Are you an angel?

Me: What?

Little boy: My mum told me that those who have marked wrists are angels.

Me: I'm not an angel kid, far from it.

Little boy: Of course you are. Mum said that only angels harm themselves because they don't like life on earth. This world is destroying them so they try to return to heaven again. They are too sensitive to the pain of others and their own.

Me: Y'know your mum is very wise kiddo.

Little boy: Thank you. She's also an angel but she has already returned home.

It just makes you realise what a fucked up world we live in honestly. But it's true. This world was destroying me from the inside out and this was the only way I could see it getting better.

You may be wondering, how does someone learn to hate their own guts? Well it's simple really, after everything someone has been through they start to believe it. To be honest half of the people on this earth don't even recognise it and it makes me sick. People are so ignorant that you can yell, kick, claw, scream at the top of your lungs and nobody hears you, it's like you don't even exist.

 I once heard my mum say "She paints pictures" to a group of her friends when I was 16. Yeah mum, I painted pictures, but my paintbrush was a razor and my canvas was my wrist. People treat depression like it can be cured so easily. It can't. When you go through some tough shit, you cant just pretend it never happened.

Well I'm going to have to go, I'm running out of space to write, and yes I lost my fight but carry on for me, all of you wreak havoc on this city.

And don't worry, You couldn't save me anyway.

Love Y/N 

"Y/N is dead" He/she spoke, tears running down their face. (The character you chose) collapsed to the floor, distraught, the whole city fell quiet and time seemed to freeze. The criminals and cops of Gotham had received an email to meet at this one spot, they all sat there silent, unable to speak. No one ever notices, until it's too late