As the title implies, I hope this is goodbye to you. I just don't think I can do whatever this is anymore. You have your people and your exes and I just don't need to be one of the multiple girls in your life. It hurts watching you do the things that hurt me and fucked me up when we were together. It hurts that you make the same mistakes because I'm not worth it for you to change. You want all of them, and that's fine, but I can't be a part of my own destruction. I can't let you destroy me again. I wish this was different, because I love you more than you'll ever know. And I want you in my life. You were my best friend. You were my everything. And I wasn't to you. I was just your girlfriend for a little while. I was just the girl who stopped you from doing the things you wanted like talking to your exes. And the girl who freaked out when you did because she was hurt. I don't know why I wasn't ever good enough for you. And I don't know why you didn't care if you hurt me or not. I don't know what you didn't understand about why I didn't like that. And I don't know why you need them now. I don't know why you want them in your life now. But. Since that's what you want. I can't be around anymore. That's not fair to me. To wait around for someone who still needs to do the things he know hurts me. How terrible is that. Me just waiting around for you to break me down. I thought I was waiting for a better person. Not the same one. It's fine that I'm not worth it to you. It's fine that you want them in your life. It's fine that you want this new girl in your life. It's fine that you were most likely with her last night while you were supposedly helping your grandmother. It's all fine. You're a single person. I just thought I was waiting around because you wanted me. Because you weren't going to go out and be with other people. Talk to other people. Find a new person. But I guess that was dumb of me to think. That was dumb of me to do. I guess I just finally feel like you're gone. I don't feel you in my heart anymore. And I know you took your heart back a long time ago. I know you haven't been mine for a long time. I was hoping you would be okay and come back by now. It's been 9 months. But that was stupid also. Wasn't it. I'm not good enough for you. You don't want to be with me. You want your exes and all of these other people. And I'm just the stupid girl who waited for you to hurt me. I'm the stupid girl who waited while you found someone else. The stupid girl who waited while you did everything that could and would hurt me. It's not your fault. I'm just not the right person. Your person would make it to where you wouldn't jeopardize her leaving. You wouldn't do anything to hurt her or mess up your chances. I guess we never really were each other's people. You're not a bad guy. It's my fault for waiting. You told me not to. I should've taken the hint. I just for some reason thought I was worth it. But at least now, I know. I can hurt. And move on. And stop holding myself back from new things and new people just because I don't want to hurt you. Just because I want you. Because me being hurt never stopped you. I love you so much. I wish you could've loved me. I wish I could've been good enough for you. Because you were... everything to me. I wish you didn't lie and let me believe we had anything. That you weren't going to have anyone else. That you weren't going to do the old things that hurt me. But. I hope this is goodbye. Because those were lies. And I know I'm not worth it to you, but I deserve to not be hurt. I deserve to be loved and cared for. And that's okay that you don't feel those things. I love you more than anything anyways. I just hope this is goodbye. I'll love and miss you always
