https://youtu.be/uIbgEZDVLmE
https://youtu.be/zQtZDH6QkUc
https://youtu.be/NxwJ1q7cIck
All I fucking want is to come beg you to not leave me. Which is admittedly the most pathetic thing I've ever said. The worst part for me is that you don't think I love you. Because I do. So fucking much. And I'm trying not to bother you. I'm trying to let you go. You have no reason to want me or talk to me. But just. Look how the past few months were going. I thought there was improvement. Obviously none of it matters now because I destroyed it. Single handedly. You did nothing. I want you to know that none of it is your fault. And I hope you do. It fucking kills me to hurt you. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just. You leave and I just don't want to be lonely. You leave and I need to talk about it with someone who knows nothing about you. I need to cause myself pain in some way. And I get you don't know how that causes me pain. But going back to him. Reminds me how shitty of a person I am. And reminds me that no matter how hard I can try to be a good person I never will be. It reminds me that this is as good as it gets, being with you. Being around someone else causes me pain. Hurting you causes me pain. I don't need to do anything with anyone for it to hurt me. Being around anyone else fucks me up enough. And I know I did this to you. I know I fucked you up. I know you deserve better. Hence why I'm fucking trying so hard to leave you alone. You always fought for me. And a part of me feels like I should do the same for you. I should show you that you can trust me and do everything I can to prove to you I can be good for you. But I know that's not what you want. I know you're doing the best thing for you by letting me go. And you're right to do so. Because I'm not a good person. I just. I'm sorry. I don't know how to explain it so that you'd understand but I don't think it would even matter if you did. I can't even be upset because no one did anything but me. It's my fucking fault. I have the need to ruin anything good in my life. Kill anything that is good for me or loves me. I'm just. Self destructive. I want to be such an awful person that I finally kill myself. And I'm so sorry I took you down with me. I'm so sorry I let you stay when I shouldn't have. You just are the only reason I'm still around. And a part of me wanted to keep living to be with you. And without that I just. I don't know. It doesn't even matter. Just. I love you more than anything. And I'm sure my love isn't what you want anymore. But. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't just bow out when I knew I wasn't good enough for you. I'm sorry I let you come back when I knew I felt like I was bad for you. I will never understand why you did. Why you were here. Why you put up with me. Honestly. Look how good you can do. Jasmine was pretty and thin and ya she had problems but she could've been good for you. So why the hell come back to this. She fucked me up so bad. Constantly comparing myself to her. And everyone else. And that's not your fault in any way. I don't know. I'm just so sorry that you chose the wrong person. And I hope you know that you were good enough. And you'll find someone who knows how to show you that. I'm so fucking sorry that you met me before you met her. I'm sorry I'm the bad thing in your life. I'm so fucking sorry that you chose the wrong person
