This is going to sound fucked up. But. I don't want her to have her baby. I fucking hate what she did. I fucking saw that stupid onesie. And thought about how you said your dad calls you bear or whatever it was. I'm too Fucking upset and tired to remember. And that would've been him. And I would've loved him so much and you would've loved him so much. And why the hell weren't we supposed to feel that sort of love. Why the fuck didn't I get a chance. And it's not like you feel like this, but why didn't you get a chance. I fucking feel like a part of me died. And I feel like it's an overreaction. Because I knew for all of Idk a week and a half maybe two weeks. And I fucking was stressed and upset the whole time and. When am I going to fucking get over it. And stop thinking about how old he'd be. And I fucking. She took something from me. And I can't even comprehend how I feel about it. And it's not your fucking problem. I'm just your ex girlfriend. And I feel like I lost something and you didn't. And I'm so fucking sorry I ever told you. I'm sorry for the picture. I'm sorry I'm even saying this. I just can't get the image out of my head. Just you holding him. You loving him. You being an amazing father, because you would've been. And maybe you don't even care or think about it. But I feel like I took something away from you. And you might've not wanted him or I don't know. I just can't stop. Why didn't I get the chance to have a kid with you. Why didn't I get to love a part of you that much. It's you that's fucking me up now. I'm past me more. Now I just think about how you actually feel. If you feel anything. Just. You and this tiny version of you. And I'll never get to see that. And it might sound stupid to you. But that was my dream. And now it'll never happen. I won't get to put our kid to bed. And go back to our room and love on you. And tell you how proud I am of you. I won't get to see you teach him stuff. I just. Feel like a whole like I imagined has slipped away. A life I pictured that won't ever happen. One that you might not have even wanted. One you don't want with me anymore even if you did. I'm just really sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I'm sorry I told you. I'm sorry I'm still being selfish. I just. I wanted that. And I won't ever have it. And I just. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't know how you feel about it. If anything. And I just. Feel like I took that away from you. Like I take everything else. Like I ruin everything else. I don't deserve the life I wanted with you. And I just. Fuck I hope you don't feel like you're missing something like I do. I fucking pray that you don't feel how I do about it. I'm so sorry
