What the fuck am I supposed to do. What do you want me to do. You say that I give you hope of working it out just to rip it down. But so do you. You're nice for a while and then I'm back to being nothing. You say shit that makes me think you want to work on it and then you go and treat me like I'm nothing. Like I'm not worth the time of day to talk to or argue with. Like you have better things to do and better people to talk to than me. It fucking sucks. I don't know what you want from me. You don't want me to wait but you fucking threaten to kill yourself if I talk to someone else. Honestly. If you don't want to work on this then you need to leave me alone. And if you want to try this then we need to fucking talk about it and come up with a plan and actually fucking put effort into it. But honestly. Idk wtf I want. I don't think I can trust you again. I don't think I'll be able to unhear the fucked up shit you've said. I don't see a future here. I just think we're both waiting for something better to come along. Which sucks to say but that's what I think. I don't know why I'm wasting my time here. And I don't think you know either. But I'm not you. I can't read your mind. You have to fucking tell me what the fuck you want me to do. Because I don't know isn't working for me. Not when you change directions so quickly and drastically. One minute we're on the road to fix crap. And the next we're in the opposite direction. I don't know what to do. And you're not the only one who needs to figure out what they want. I do to. But fuck. I've been trying for so long and I'm so tired of trying for you to just say you don't fucking know. It's not fair. It's not fair for me to spill my guts and you say nothing. It's not fair for you to ignore me. Ignore questions I have. Ignore shit I say. I don't deserve that. And I'm so fucking sick of not being treated how I deserve. You make me so fucking sad.
