You act like I don't know how it feels to get heart breaking news. But I do. I know that it makes your stomach feel sick but you won't throw up. I know it makes you pace around the room while you try to wrap your head around it. I know it makes you want to rip your hair out of your head. It makes your heart race and hurt. It makes you irrationally angry. It makes you contemplate ending it all. I know it's hard to put into words. And I know I have no right to say anything, but you saying that you regret not fucking her, made me feel like that. And I know you don't believe me, but it wasn't like last time. I just wanted to talk to someone about the Bullshit that's been going on in my life. And I wanted to not bother you with my crap. And honestly, it feels over. You and me. It feels like you're gone. You need to know that I don't fucking understand. I don't get how you told me this whole time not to wait for you, that you didn't want me, that you didn't know how you felt, and more. You said a ton of crap. You broke down my hope every single time. And you knew you were doing it. So how was that you trying to fix anything. And you trying to manipulate me by saying you were trying to get better for me, is Bullshit. Because you said exactly the opposite a few months ago. And just so we're clear, I didn't redownload the dumbass app until like Saturday night. So that's what 5 days ago? I'm still half asleep so I couldn't tell you. It's not like I had it this whole time. And it's not like last time. And I know I said I used it to be mean to people so that I wasn't mean to you, but I didn't talk to you during the however many days I had it. I don't remember why I'm writing this. And idk what it's supposed to be about. But. I get how you feel. But you have to freaking understand where I'm coming from. After months of being told don't wait and you don't want me. I just.. got it I guess. I still love the fuck out of you. I just know I'm not good for your life. I think it's funny that you called yourself a hopeless romantic. For not really any reason in particular. You just.. you showed you loved me by fucking me. I don't see how you would be a hopeless romantic. And believe me. I fucking wish I could be who you want me to be. I wish he never happened. Any of them. And I'm not repeating that. I just needed someone. So I didn't burden you with what's wrong with me. I'm sorry I hurt you. Fuck I'm so sorry. I just hope you see that I'm not good enough for you. I don't deserve you. And I'm just going to hurt you. I shouldn't be in your life. And I'm trying to leave it so that you're better off. Can find someone better. I'm fucking trying my hardest not to be selfish for once when it comes to you.
