I don't know what your problem is. I don't know why you think you can have a problem with what I write. I'm just trying to get my words out without overwhelming you with them. That if you did want to know what I was thinking you could prepare yourself and read. Instead of me bombarding you with it. I'm just trying to write again. I've been working on a poem for a month and a half now. And I'm just trying to get into writing again. And yes. It does happen that everything is fine, I'm normal, we can try to be friends. But I'm not okay all the time. And yes the uncertainty with whatever we are to each other makes me a bit unstable. Because you have no obligation to me. There's so much uncertainty. And duh I'm gonna be freaked out about you and other people. Because I wanted you. And yes if you just want to be friends then cool. I can try to be your friend. But simultaneously I have to be trying to move on then. And what you say is confusing. One minute you want nothing to do with me. And the next you're getting offended that I think there is nothing between us. You're saying crap like you want to try and fix what you thought was broken between us. But I don't know what that means. You just want to fix shit friend wise. Or you want to fix it and build on it. If you haven't noticed, I need a plan. I need a This is what I want. And it's fine if it's just I want this for now. I just need a direction so I can figure out what I'm doing. I think it's Bullshit and unfair that at 9 at night you decide you're done with me and ignore me when all I'm doing is trying to make things more clear and figure out what the fuck you want from me. I think it's unfair that you don't understand that the shit you do literally makes me think you have someone else. You don't fall asleep at 9. So who else are you with or talking to and ignoring me for them. Because that's what you did last time. Who the fuck are you friends with or talking to on social media. Because last time you did everything that you knew would hurt me. There's so much uncertainty and mistrust and crap. And it's dumb. And I just. It's easier to drop it and leave it and you here. I don't know what the hell you want. I don't know what the hell youre trying to say. And you don't make it easy. You don't make it easy to trust you. You don't make it easy to know what you're thinking. What you want. And you can't blame me for being frustrated. You can't blame me for being freaked out. I mean just because you don't think or don't care about who I'm talking to or anything doesn't mean I'm not like that. Doesn't mean I don't care about that. I'm fucking trying to be better. But I'm not always going to be. And it fucking sucks that you expect that from me. It sucks that you're so not understanding when I'm not okay. But you have no obligation to be. I'm not your friend. Or your girlfriend. But that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. I just don't fucking get it. I don't know what you're trying to do. I don't know what you want. And I'm tired of the games. And I think it's fucked up that you think about me how you do. You think I have some need or want to be the center of your life. And I don't. But shit. You know my insecurities. And idk. It'd be great if you took them into consideration. And ya. Some of them were and are dumb. But Jesus. It's like you're fine with me feeling like there's always someone else. And maybe you are. I just know that I wouldn't be okay with you feeling like that. I'm sorry but I miss my fucking person. Who went out of his way to make sure I knew he only wanted me. I'm sorry that that is so terrible to you. That I would want that. That I want to be treated how you used to treat me. And it's not completely your fault. It wasn't. I demanded more and more of you. And that's my fault. It sounds dumb but. I just wanted that. I wanted to be told why you loved me. Why you wanted to be with me. I wanted you to want me around. I wanted to be wanted. And one day it just all went away. And it hurt. And you don't get that. Shit like that shouldn't just disappear. I don't know. There's too many words I want to say and shit I want to explain but it all just seems futile. That person is gone. And I've been waiting for him for 3 years. You're just not the person who wants me anymore. Who feels that way anymore. You're not the person who sent me those long paragraphs that I saved and wanted to marry me. And that's fine. And if you just want to be friends then fine. We can slowly work on that. But if that's all you want from me then. You have to say so. In plain English. Tell me that person is gone. So I can stop waiting for him. And maybe find someone who is a little like that. Because that's what I want. Among the million other things I want out of life, I want someone to want me how you used to. To feel how you used to. You just have to freaking tell me that person and those feelings are gone. And then we can work on being friends. And I can work on letting that person go. Because I don't think that's you anymore. I got a tattoo for you, based on that post on tumblr. You know the one. But, I don't think that's you anymore. I don't think you're that person. I don't think you feel that way about me anymore. I don't think you're like that towards me anymore
