I guess you don't read this one, so I guess I can say whatever I want.
You don't get it. You just don't. You don't get how it feels. You don't get how you make me feel. Dude, i loved you. I loved you so much, I was in love with you. You were there. You really cared about me. You showed me that you loved me. You showed me that you cared. I meant something to you and I could feel it. You wanted to be there for me. You wanted me around. I actually was more than just someone to you. And now Im not. Now Im nothing. And you have no idea how shitty that feels. I had someone who gave a shit, and now I don't. And ya its totally selfish to make it about me. And I'm not making it personal. Like you meant to do these things, that it was your intention. Im just trying to make you understand how it feels. And ya its not what you're intentionally doing. But its still whats happening. Its still how it feels. And again, don't think I am saying it is what you mean to do or what you wanted to make me feel like. I know it wasn't your intention and I know its nothing personal to me. I am just saying that regardless of if it was your intention, this is how it feels for me. And I'm not asking you to put yourself in my shoes. Because you've been there. You've been the one loving a fucked up broken girl. And Im sorry that I haven't changed from that. And ya we handle our shit very differently. I want someone there to talk to and you do not, at least don't want me there. Which maybe you don't want to drag me down, and I appreciate that. Because I always have felt like I dragged you down with me. Im just trying to make you understand. Im trying to make you see why I am how I am or say what I do. But you don't ever understand. You don't get what its like. And yes it is unfair of me to say that, but. I don't know, I hope this doesn't make you mad. I just, if you do read this, I hope it helps. I just.. miss having someone who is there, who cares, and shows it. And Im disappointed that I don't get to be that for you. Im sad that you aren't like me and want me there. I get it, you're not that kind of person, but it still makes me sad. I mean, I just want to love you and see you and be there for you. And I get it, you're not like that, and thats fine. But that doesn't mean I don't miss you still, doesn't mean I don't wish you missed me or wanted me. Not that Im saying you don't. I just wish it was different. I wish you wanted me to wait for you. I wish you understood. I don't know, maybe none of this matters. You probably won't even read this. And I know it won't change anything, but still. And I have so much more to say, but its late.
