I don't know why you decided suddenly to not talk to me about how I was feeling. I don't know why none of my questions deserve an answer to you. Or why none of my feelings are valid. I just. Idk. I wanted to talk about it. It's hard for me to believe what you say but I still wanted you to try. I don't know why it's okay to just blow me off. One second it's like you want to fight to be in my life and the next you couldn't care less. I don't know. All I know is I wish I was back in high school. I long for the days where I'd see you every morning. I want to go back and be better to you when it mattered. Not break the person I loved. Not make him disappear. I guess I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that the person who posted nice crap about me on tumblr and wrote me paragraphs about how he loved me and squashed any doubt I had in his feelings for me is gone. Never to come back. It's solidifying that I'm not the person for you. That I don't do what you do for me. I don't take your pain away for a little bit. I don't make you want to be here. I don't make you want a future with me or otherwise. I'm just not your person anymore. That's why I didn't want to be friends. Because you'd end up telling me that I'm not the one for you. And I can't bear to hear it come from you. It would break me. And I almost think it's worth being broken by you one more time. We just. Can't fix all that's broken with us. I love you too much to just be your friend. I don't want to be one of those girls to you. I don't know. I was to tear open my skin. Bleed out the darkness. Bleed out the bad thoughts. Bleed out all that is bad in me. So maybe I can be the light in your life. I want to be better for you. But. What's the point. You don't feel the same about me as you used to. And it fucking hurts.
