I know you don't read this. But at the risk of sounding even more pathetic. I just needed to talk. So. I love you. And I know I was bad at showing it. I know sometimes I showed the opposite of love. I hope you know none of that is your fault. I hope you know that even when I wasn't showing it, my love for you never stopped. I hope you know how many times I checked my phone hoping you'd say something. How many times I looked out windows hoping you'd show up. How many times I cried wishing you loved me half as much as I loved you. I think you did at some point. And idk what happened to make it stop. When I became less to you. When you stoped loving me and wanting me as much. I don't blame you for the end of your feelings for me though. I wouldn't really want me either. So how could I blame you. I just hope that my next person will be more like how you used to be. You'd do anything for me. I know it sounds stupid but I want a man who will do anything to make me happy. Do anything to prove he's good enough. Not that you were ever not good enough. But you stopped trying. And that's okay. Just. That's something I want. I want someone with drive and ambition. I want someone who will do what they have to do and then come home to me and hold me and let me make his day better. I used to picture you when I talked about the future. I don't anymore. I'm not stupid enough to think you'll be around another day let alone years. And you thought that also. You didn't argue at all when I said we wouldn't progress past what we were. You knew. You knew you didn't feel the same and you stuck around. And I don't get why. Idk what you got out of it. It makes me sad that you could use me. It makes me sad that you could waste my time. It makes me sad that there I was confessing my love and you just took it, never reciprocating. You're upset because I said were wasting each other's time. But what were you doing when I asked you how you felt about me. You said you didn't know. And you're mad at me for saying this was a waste of time. At least I knew what I Fucking felt.
