I'm sitting in the living room at my dads house. Shaking from anxiety and depression. Shaking from pain. And all I want to do is bleed it out. The pain. The black that has stained my blood from my dying heart. I just want it to seep out of opened veins. I want to be held and loved on. But honestly... even if he would, it wouldn't help. He's never there. I'm never important. There's always something better to do than be with me. I'm tired of being hurt and disappointed. But who cares about that. I'm even starting not to care about what hurts me. It's just I'm hurt, oh well. It's not like he cares. It's not like anyone else cares. And I don't care so I can't blame anyone for not caring about me. My thing is why do I care about everyone else still. Why do I do everything I can for everyone. Why do I jump when he asks me to. When he wouldn't do half of that for me. I deserve more than that, don't I? So why can't I stop caring about him. Why can't I stop loving him. I want him to want to be around me and make an effort to be. But that's just not realistic. You can't make someone do or feel something they don't want to. It just really really sucks. And it's gonna suck letting him go.
