My brother's best friend

Intro🌻

Since I was young I remember seeing Shawn around. I remember so many dinners we had.  So many memories.
 
I remember a few times when mom and dad went on date night Shawn and Lucas, my brother used to watch over me. It was a bit awkward because they are not that older than I am. I am currently 18, Lucas is 21, And Shawn is 20.

When I was 14 or so Shawn started to get really famous and we Barely saw him. I remember missing him. He was like an older brother. I loved having him around.

We were best friends. I know it sounds weird, but we were. I talked to him about stuff that I didn't feel comfortable talking about, with Lucas.

And now, I feel really sad. He is not here anymore. He's a mega pop super superstar or whatever... I see him once in a while when he comes to visit and well, that's not enough.

I got comfortable having him around all the time and now he is just gone.

It's funny, I see him more on TV than I see him in real life.

I don't like that. I don't like not being able to talk to him. Sometimes I want to call him and tell him how much I miss him..

But I can't do that. I don't know if he feels as close to me as I feel to him.

I think he sees me as a little sister and not as a friend. Sometimes when he comes to visit he isn't even looking at me. It feels like he is only here for Lucas.

Sometimes it hurts. My whole childhood I spent with him, And of course with Lucas. And now... he barely notices me.

Sometimes I even cry. I miss him. I want to talk to him.

I remember Aaliyah, Shawn's sister and I, spending a lot of time together. I'm only 2 or 3 years older then her. Now, that's gone too.

What I'm trying to say is that I feel really... what's the word? lost.

I mostly feel dejected. I feel worried. I feel like, my whole world is falling apart. For about 4 years now.

I don't know how to handle my feelings. I can't talk to Lucas about it because he'll probably think I'm in love with Shawn, which I'm not. I just miss my friend.