My brother's best friend

Chapter 37 - What will happen next?

I don't know how to respond. I'm just standing there.. looking at him. All confused. I can't believe that's how he feels. I can't stop my tears. They are just running down my face without control.

I want to say something to him. But I literally can't say a word. I think I forgot how to speak.

I'm just looking at his eyes. They are crying with mine.

Suddenly we are kissing. I did the first move this time. I kissed him. I was scared to do that. But fuck my fear.

Shawn stops me crying more than before. "If you don't mean it. Don't. Because as I already said. For me even a look from you can—" I kiss him again.

"Shut up" I say making out with him. I turn around grabbing his hand and going to my room closing the door and locking it.

I push Shawn on the bed. And I slowly take my shirt off walking towards him. I sit on his lap while he is laying down on the bed. Shawn looks at me. We are both confused. I just told him we need to stop secretly dating... but now, everything has changed. And yeah as he said, Fuck Brittney and Fuck Adam.

When you think about it is kind of funny because the only real person I really want to Fuck is Shawn.

I slowly take off my bra "Wait stop" Shawn says pushing me off him. He stands up looking really confused.

My bra is still on, I sit on the bed looking at him. "I'm sorry" I say. "What are you talking about?" He asks with tears in his eyes.

"I shouldn't have... done this. I know I can be a little weird, and it's sometimes hard to understand how my head works. And I'm really sorry." I say crying. I know I messed up.

I'm not 100% sure of my feelings. I know I want Shawn. I know that whenever he looks at me I feel happy and safe. And whenever we kiss I have this amazing feeling and I have butterflies in my stomach. And wow this morning, as he said it was the best moment of my life. I never imagined in a million years that I would be with Him. I know that I have feelings for him. I know that. But I just don't know if that's enough. I don't want to hurt him like I hurt everyone else.

"You don't need to apologize. I'm sorry that I got emotional and I kind of said something I shouldn't have said. I probably ruined everything." He says. "You don't have to sleep with me to try make me feel better. I thought at first that it's working, but it actually made it worse" he says.

"Holy shit, Shawn I didn't want to sleep with you to make you feel better. Are you fucking serious? I wanted to sleep with you because I wanted to sleep with you. I have feelings for you too. And you don't even know how many times a day for over the past 5 year I had to stop myself from jumping on you and ripping your cloths off every time I saw you. And yeah maybe it sounds weird... but it's true. Even today. When I said I think we should stop this... my real emotions and thoughts told me to kiss you and never let you go." I stop. I can't help myself and I'm starting to cry like a baby.

Shawn looks at me and he comes to me getting closer and closer and he sits on my lap kissing me and wow. I'm seriously dying. That kiss was just.... holy shit. I don't even know how to describe it.

Shawn takes his shirt off and he looks at me. "If we will do this. What will happen next?"

When he says that all I can think about is taking his pants off and... but I really need to think about it. About what he said. If we will do this, what will happen next?