My brother's best friend

Chapter 30 - almost

Sometimes i don't get it. "You fucking threw my date away from the house pulling me into my bed kissing the hell out of me and taking your shirt off and now you are like, sorry I can't. Are you serious?! This shit hurts man. You are so confusing" I say getting off him putting back my shirt on, trying to not look on Shawn abs or else I'll drool and I'm mad and hurt now. I can't drool.

"I'm sorry.. I really want you. Believe me.... but-" - "than kiss me. And tell me how much you care about me. And tell me that no matter what other people think you are the one who is going to be there for me." I say. "I know Lucas is your friend. He is my brother. But come on. Grow some balls" I say. I finally snapped. It really hurts every time he kisses me letting me believe that that's it now we are finally going to be together... and than he stops it and saying he can't do it.

Shawn looks at me. He comes to me kissing me with so much passion... oh wow...

"You mean to me more than anyone else. I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you.. I hope you know that. And I'm really struggling with myself right now about what to do. Because my heart and body.. are telling me to push you on that bed and kiss you and never let you go. But my brain is telling me that I shouldn't." He says.

"We don't have to tell Lucas" I say. With all the respect to my brother... why do 2 people need to suffer and to sacrifice so much for 1 person that doesn't even know it?

"You want us to date in secret?" He asks. Wow.. date?! I'm dating Shawn Mendes... B Mendes, Michelle Mendes.. M,M yeah sounds good. So yeah I want us to DATE in secret.

"If he don't know, it doesn't hurt right?" I ask. I feel like I'm seducing him... Shawn is biting his lip. He has to stop doing that. That's so hot and if he isn't going to rip my cloths off right now.. he can't bite his lip.  "Look Shawn. Tell me now. Are we going to do this or not? Because if not than we are never allowed to kiss again. Do you understand? Only friends. This really hurts me every time we kiss I'm thinking: oh now we are going to be together.. I'm letting myself to be vulnerable around you and you hurt me. And than you do it all over again. So Shawn I'm not kidding this is the last chance." I say. " I'm done getting hurt." I want him so badly but if he says he doesn't want to hurt Lucas again then that's it. We are done. Like, come on... what about me? He is hurting me way more than he is hurting Lucas. Lucas doesn't even fucking know. So that's it. He has to choose.

"Fuck it" he says kissing me pushing me back on top of him taking my shirt off. I kiss him
Back. I feel alive. I wanted us to be together for so long I can't believe this is actually happening..... oh my god.

Shawn flips me over again and wow this is so hot. "I can't believe we're actually going to do this" Shawn says kissing me looking extremely excited and happy. I look the same.

Shawn slowly takes my pants off and he starts to kiss me everywhere... I'm still with my underclothing and Shawn goes back to my face making out with me.

I never felt so good when someone is kissing me. Seriously I never felt so happy when a guy's kissing me.

We suddenly hear the front door slamming. What the fuck. there is Knock on my door and someone is trying to open it. "B.. are you awake?" I hear Lucas's voice. Oh shit.

Shawn quickly put his Shirt back on and I put my shirt and pants back on. I turn the lights off and I don't answer him. Me and Shawn are just standing in panic waiting for Lucas to go to his room.

Shawn's phone buzzes, Lucas is calling Shawn. "Oh shit" Shawn whispers and he turns his phone off.

After a few seconds I heard Lucas went to his room and the door closing. "That was close" Shawn says. "Yeah it was.. I got so nervous" I say. "Ok.. I think I'm gonna go to sleep" Shawn says. Wait what seriously? "Are you sure?" I ask.. I'm really upset now. "Yeah.. I'm really tired. Sorry" he says kissing me on the cheek and getting out of my room. What the fuck?!