It's really late and Shawn fell asleep. I haven't. I can't stop thinking.. About everything. About how Amazing it was to be with Shawn. Not just kissing him but I can't believe I slept with him. It was truly the most amazing moment of my life.
I dreamt about that for so long. About him kissing me. And taking off my cloths. And boy, every time we kiss. I have butterflies. Not just kiss, every time we fucking speak. I'm looking at him from my room with the door open while he sleeps. And all I want to do is kiss him and hug him. And smile with him till I'm dead.
I don't know why I'm making this do complicated. Why can't I just get over myself
and be with him? I know what I really want. and that's Shawn.
As I'm thinking about how good it is having Shawn around. Kissing me, hugging me, smiling at me, even just talking to me, I also start thinking about how much I must've hurt him. I tried to stop hurting all the people around me.. but at the end the most important one, got hurt the most.
"You awake?" I text Shawn looking at him waiting for a reaction. He moves a bit and he takes his phone out. He sits down and he looks at me through the open door.
It's almost 3 am and I can't stop thinking about Shawn. About the good things that we've been through.
"Yes. Is everything ok?" He texts me looking at me. He looks like I just woke him up. With his hair all smushed, rubbing his eyes..
"Yes. Never mind. Goodnight" I text him, putting my phone on the desk turning the lights in my room off. to be honest I have no idea what I wanted out of the text I sent him. I don't really know why I sent it in the first place.
A few seconds later Shawn walks in my room only with his boxers on, like he usually sleeps. and he closes the door. He lays down next to in the bed. I turn to him so we are laying face to face.
"Are you ok?" he whispers. He looks concerned. I love that about him. I love that he cares so much. "Yes I'm ok" I whisper and I hug him underneath the blanket. "I want to come with you to New York" I whisper.. tears are falling down my cheeks. "But I'm scared." I whisper. "Why are you scared?" He asks trying to soothe me. Kissing me on the forehead. "I don't want to hurt anyone. And I know I'm hurting Lucas and Brittney. And I know I'm hurting you. And I just can't do this anymore" I whisper still crying.
"You are so amazing." Shawn says. "What are you talking about?" I ask wiping my tears. "You are the most amazing person I met. You are trying to make everyone happy. You are steeping over yourself trying to please everyone.. stop doing that. I want you happy. I don't want other people happy, I mean I do but I don't you to cry about it. Every time you cry I feel like I want to cry. I love you, B. I want you to know that. I'm always here for you. And I would love if you would join me to New York.. but you don't have to. Just remember that no matter what I'll be here for you." He says.
"I love you too" I whisper. I can't help it. I do love him. He is so sweet. And he really cares about me. And I know whatever he said he feels about me I feel the same about him. Deep inside I knew I loved him. I look at him and I see tears rolling down his face. I wipe his tears and I whisper him "I really do."
We are both looking at each other and I can feel my heart is about to explode. This is how happiness feels like. I see him smiling. I'm smiling with him and I kiss him.
Shawn is looking so happy, just as I am. I can't believe I just said that. But that's how I really feel. I do love him, he kisses me and he smiles and my whole body is tingling with joy. I don't think I was ever this happy before.
YOU ARE READING
My brother's best friend
Romance"Do you have a crush on me?" He asks "No.." I try to deny it. "I think you do..." he says and he gets closer. He is as close as we've never been before. I can smell his perfume. It smells so good. He touches my face and I can feel my heart beat ris...
