My brother's best friend

Chapter 18 - it can't happen again

"Hey sister... what's??" Lucas walks over to me barley walking all goofy and drunk. "Hey... brother...? Whatever. Let's just go out side" I say.

We walk out side, and when I say we walk out side I mean, I'm walking out side and Lucas can't even look at me straight. I have to carry him... He is so waisted. I don't think I ever saw Lucas that drunk. I take the keys from Lucas's pocket and I open the car and Lucas sits in the back seat he just sort of rolled in and he is now lying down. "I'm going to go back inside and call Shawn I'll be right back" I say loud and clear so he will understand. He doesn't even look at me.. ok whatever. I close the door and I lock Lucas in the car so he won't be able to get out.

I take a deep breath and I walk inside looking for Shawn.

As I'm walking around looking for Shawn I see Camila with some other guy walking righty by me. I met her like once when she came I think 2 summers ago for a photo shoot or something...

She just passed right by, I guess she didn't recognize me. I'm still looking for Shawn and I finally see him dancing with this girl... what the fuck? Who is that?

Shawn spots me looking at him and he immediately leaves the girl and he walks to me.

"Hey" He says. "Hey. Let's go" I say. I walk out of the party and I go to the car. I know that I'm jealous. That's just who I am. "Hey hey B stop" Shawn's running after me. He stands in front of me looking at me not letting me to continue walking. "Why are you mad?" He asks.

"I'm not mad. I'm just tired and I want to go home." I fake yawning. "Can we go now?" I ask. "Oh, yeah I'll just go look for Lucas" Shawn says. "No need..  He is waiting in the car" I say. Shawn looks at me and he smirks "I'm sorry you had to come all the way here to pick us up" he says.

"It's fine. Let's just go" I say. I go in the drivers seat and Shawn sits next to me and Lucas is all passed out in the back. I start driving..

"What are you doing?" I ask Shawn. Since he got in the car all I can see from the corner of me eye is Shawn looking at me. I'm flattered and all but I can't concentrate on the road. "I'm not doing anything" he says with his beautiful voice... I can see him smirking. "Shawn stop looking at me. It's making me nervous" I say laughing a bit. I can see he stops looking at me and he is looking now at the ground. This is weird. The whole situation since he kissed me and told that he had feeling for me from 4 years ago..

The rest of the car ride was pretty boring Shawn was on his phone Lucas was half dead and I was driving.

We got home I parked the car and I walked out and Shawn walked out too.

"Hey..." Shawn starts to speak but he takes a breath before he continues. Shawn walks to me and now he is standing in front of me.

"So, today was weird. I'm sorry for.. making things awkward. I know we can't be together. I know that Lucas won't allow it. And I know that I won't be here all the time and I'll go to so many places and parties and I'll see a lot of people and I'm not sure how much time I'll have to spend Being on the phone and talking to you. So I'm sorry that I messed things up a bit.. I just wanted to kiss you so badly for about 5 or even more years now. I tired so hard to forgot about you.. I thought that if I won't talk to you, maybe you would forget about me.. but it didn't work out. And now I'm here and I finally kissed you. More than once.." he giggles "I just, want things to go back to the way they were and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or that I'm pressuring you. I get it. We won't be together. But can we please be friends?" He asks getting closer.

"I- I don't really know what to say..." I'm talking a moment to think about what I want to say.. "I'm just going to be honest, I had feelings for you since I was 8.. I think" I take a breath. I'm so nervous actually saying that out loud. "And.. I dreamt about the day.." I'm starting to cry a bit for no freaking reason. "That you would kiss me... And it finally happened today. And I know we can't be together... you are famous and I'm not. And I'm not sure I want to be.. And also Lucas talked to me about you a lot and he is never going to allow it, I mean us..." I'm trying to breath but it's so hard. I don't know why I'm over reacting like this but this is just what I truly think.

"I can't believe that finally after 10 years I got to kiss you... but that doesn't matter because it can't happen again, you're right" I say. Shawn smiles at me this smile that you smile when you are sad but you want to smile.. that makes me even more sad.