playing with fire | taerose 🌹

39.

(A/N: Alexa, play If It Means A Lot To You by A Day To Remember! This song inspired this chapter, give it a listen.

Have tissues ready. 😪 enjoy the chapter!)

-x-

I looked up at Taehyung who was just centimeters away from me. His eyes were looking down, his lips nervously pressed together after he said the words he did.

I nodded my head, sadly agreeing with what he was telling me. Regardless if I believed him or not, if there is a small part of him that is actually telling the truth...I'm not sure if we could ever be something. The way we react to each other when we're mad, the things we do out of spite, it's not healthy. And it saddens me deeply to think this way.

"Too much has been said or done for things to go back to the way they were." I barely could speak, my bottom lip trembling as those words slipped from my lips.

I felt my eyes get clouded with tears at this new reality. I felt Taehyung place his fingers gently underneath my chin to look at him as if he could sense my tears.

"I want you to believe me. I've been honest with you about everything. I wouldn't lie to you, in fact, I've been the most honest with you about everything. But, if there's no trust then there's no..." Taehyung's words began to tremble.

"...us." I finished his sentence for him.

"Exactly." Taehyung softly said, licking his lips nervously and our eyes met once more.

"I'm sorry that it has to be this way. It's just a lot of things have happened that I'm not sure if we can go back to how things were in the beginning." I sadly spoke, wishing I didn't say those words because in the pit of my stomach, I knew I would regret saying them.

"It was an eye for an eye, that's all it was." Taehyung said, the corner of lips forming a small smile, laughing a little at the words that I could tell pained him deeply.

"I'm sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to hurt you like that, it was stupid of me." I apologized, my eyes looking up at his with innocence.

"It's okay, I'm sorry for what I did with your friend. But like I said, it was an eye for an eye. Which, doesn't make it right, but you know what I'm saying."

We nodded our heads together, not sure what to say or how to end the conversation, but I felt him grab onto my hands, taking me by surprise.

"I'm glad we can come to terms with what we are." I said.

Taehyung nodded once more. "Yeah, we finally have a word for it."

"Friends?" I asked him.

"Friends, for sure." Taehyung forced a smile on his lips, and I could tell those words were something he didn't want to say.

"Just no benefits this time, right?" I asked him, curious at what his answer would be.

"Yeah, none whatsoever." Taehyung responded, again, his body language expressing he was uncomfortable with his answer.

I felt something hit me in my gut. The thought of us not being able to touch each other, love each other or even be active together was something that I would never experience again after this. Especially with someone like him, who taught me what it was to feel desired and cared for. Even throughout the events that occurred, part of me wanted to not cut things off. But I still have a feeling he's lying to me. And that's where my confusion stands. It's painful to think this way.