playing with fire | taerose 🌹

64.

I nervously looked down into my lap, gripping the seat I was sitting on. I pressed my lips as I listened to the doctor talk about how serious whatever is wrong with me is.

The way she spoke was serious, and all I could feel were all eyes on the doctor in front of me.

It was quiet when we heard her flipping her pages on her clipboard before her eyes trailed to mine. We locked instantly, causing my hands to still hold onto my seat tightly.

"I first want to go over why you thought you were pregnant. I know that typically we would go over this first, but I noticed you were having some sort of feelings on it, so I didn't want to push. And you seem more calm...so could you explain any symptoms you had?" Dr. Choi asked me and I nodded.

"Well, my friend and I were hanging out. She asked for a tampon and I told her I don't carry them unless I have my period. And she jokingly asked if I was pregnant and it made me realize I haven't gotten it in a couple months." I explained.

"Is this normal for you?" She asked me and I shrugged my shoulders, trying to think.

"I...don't really pay attention to it like I should." I admitted. This was something I should pay attention to now that it's being mentioned.

"What physical symptoms were you having?" The doctor asked and I thought to myself.

"Well, I hope this isn't a TMI since I'm in the room full of boys," I said, looking over at Jimin and Namjoon. I was comfortable speaking about this in front of Taehyung, but those two? Oh well. "But I felt kind of bloated, my breasts were sort of achey..."

"Those signs are often mistaken as pregnancy sometimes. It can either be you're expecting a baby, or even a cycle. So I won't be surprised if it will be coming soon." The doctor explained and I felt somewhat relieved.

"She also threw up this morning..." Taehyung spoke up suddenly, his innocent eyes looking over at the doctor. The doctor wrote that down quickly on the paper in front of her before turning her gaze to me.

"So you threw up?" She asked me quickly.

"Yeah. I woke up just feeling very sick. And then finally I felt like I should go to the bathroom. I threw everything up." I looked away, bringing my eyes to the floor.

"What were you feeling prior? Did you feel shaky or anything?"

I nodded. "I woke up feeling very anxious. I had some events that have been very stressful lately and hard to not think about. And when I can't stop thinking about it or worrying, I get anxious."

"You're telling me you're feeling anxious," The doctor said, jotting down notes on her clipboard. "Which brings me to talk about your blood pressure. It was high. Looking at your previous charts, it has been at a healthy level. I can tell that isn't normal for you. But I noticed it on another day, was the same level as today. That was..." Doctor Choi looked at my chart on her clipboard. "April 17th of last year. Was this a stressful time for you?"

I felt a rush come over me. I shut my eyes, trying to not think about the week before. I got the horrible news about my parents. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to remember it as it was still so painful but when I shut my eyes, it was like a movie flashing. It was still so vivid, I still felt pain.

I felt tears start to form in my eyes and that's when Namjoon placed his hand on my lap, causing me to open. His eyes looked so caring into mine for the first time. It's like he knew the pain I was feeling and that it was hard to talk about.