playing with fire | taerose 🌹

59.

A/N: Alexa, play Scenery by Kim Taehyung 😏

This song helped me write this chapter. Maybe take a listen with it on loop while reading this chapter. 💜 love you guys to the moon and back!

-x-

Jungkook is in love with me. I shouldn't be surprised, but as I watched his trembling lips tell me their truth, I couldn't help but feel my heart sink the the bottom of my stomach.

I always had a feeling, but to hear it come from him and that he feels the need to leave was something I wasn't prepared to hear. I didn't want to hear him say that. I meant for him to leave my house, not to leave my life.

"Jungkook, you don't have to leave." I almost said in a whisper.

"I have to, Rose. It's not that I want to..."

"Then if you don't want to, stay. I told you. I don't know what I would do without you. I need you." I just wanted him to hear me. I knew this was my fault, I knew that I was doing more damage than good, but I could change that. I know I can. I can't lose him, I can't.

"I have to, I don't think you get that." Jungkook quickly responded. He didn't even need to think of an answer, he knew his solution.

"But you don't have to, please. Stop saying you have to, just listen to me..." I felt my bottom lip begin to quiver with sadness as I looked into the darkness under the brim of his bucket hat.

"You need to listen to me. I have to go. I'm telling you, you need to turn around and go home and let me go my way. I have to go, no matter how much you need me, I'm sorry but I have to go." Jungkook could barely speak, I could tell those words pained him to say that, and I could feel my emotions wanting to burst.

It was a mistake to let him walk out of my house. It was a mistake to tell him to leave. I should have never told him to leave because now he's leaving, and I could let that happen.

"You don't have to go, Jungkook. Please, I didn't mean anything I said. You don't get it, this has been the worst time of my life. I can't tell you how often I've cried, how many sleepless nights I've spent, my life is falling apart. I've lost everyone, Jungkook. And I mean everyone. I can't lose you, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but you don't have to leave. Don't leave. Please." I felt warm streaks begin to stream down my cold cheeks. I couldn't hold in my emotions. This was so painful for me. I never thought that I would lost him, out of everyone, him.

"And I can't tell you how much pain I've felt too, Rose. But I don't think you get it."

"What am I not getting? I said I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tell you to leave. I didn't mean that, I was just so stressed out, I didn't know what to do or say. I....I'm sorry...."

"Do you not get what it's like to love someone in a way you'll never get back?" Jungkook asked.

"But I do love you that way, Jungkook...."