playing with fire | taerose 🌹

40.

Weeks have passed since I've seen Taehyung. I thought that time healed everything, but time was making everything worse.

Namjoon seemed happier because I was home every single day. We started eating breakfast and dinner together like a family. He tells me how happy he is that I am around more often, that he feels closer than ever. But, I didn't feel the same. I felt miserable at home. But what was there to do?

I didn't feel like myself. It's like a part of me was missing.

I missed Taehyung terribly. His words weigh heavy on my mind. I'm trying to figure out if he was being honest to me, if maybe there was a small ounce of truth that came from him.

He did something extremely hurtful to me. Something that I didn't imagine he would ever do, something I didn't think my own best friend would do to me, but I always felt like we weren't even that close. But, he did it out of resentment which was why I didn't have a hard time forgiving him. I truly believed that he was sorry, and that it was meaningless.

I was sorry for what I did with Jungkook, and part of me was confused for my feelings for him as well. Although, part of me felt love for him. And there was another part of me. That a part of me...maybe...deep down inside might feel something for him. Or maybe that part of me was just desperate and lonely, I'm unsure, and I confuse that feeling quite a lot.

Jungkook is like a fairytale. My castle is burning, and he could hear my screams from miles away. He would come running to save me. He did everything for me. To holding my hand, wiping my tears away, to telling me he loved me during an intimate moment that I had no idea was going to happen.

It shouldn't have happened, and I didn't want that to happen, but it did and there's nothing I can do to change that.

If I could go back in time, I would probably not have done that. But, that's no way to live. I have to accept what I felt was right during that time.

I know he wants more from me, he just never tells me. But there's a part of me that wants someone else, and that's not fair to him. And I'm not sure if we will ever break that ice.

When my mind is wrapped with heartbreak, it's hard to think clearly.

I sat by myself at the lunch table. I had an Apple sitting in my hand, and I studied it hard as I sorted my feelings out.

I still felt empty. I wanted to eat, but I couldn't. I could wait until I got home from school, Namjoon started to cook more since we were always together now. I guess I have something to look forward to.

I looked up into the distance, Taehyung and Jimin were walking side by side, laughing about something to each other.

I watched Taehyung's model-like walk. He wasn't in uniform today, which I don't know how he pulled that one off. But, he looked amazing in a leather jacket. It was one of my favorite things he wore.

He got closer, walking right past me as we made eye contact. The first contact in weeks with each other. I felt excited and jittery, just by getting to look at the beautiful being before me. I felt my heart pumping out of my chest, my arms starting to feel shaky at this sudden moment between each other.

Taehyung's eyes were wide, almost happy that we had some contact together. His sight stayed on mine, and I couldn't help but do the same.