Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Eleven

Lily POV.
I slowly woke to a naked billie. I glanced down remembering what had happened the night before. She was bigger than i was size wise, but unlike me she was able to rock it whereas i just couldn't pull it off, i looked like a potato. people told me all the time i was skin and bones but all i saw was fat. if i could pinch it, i could lose it.
I smiled to myself before dragging my eyes away from billie and hurrying to the bathroom.

Although I enjoyed what happened between us the night before I can't help but feel somewhat dirty and ashamed, my brain always just linked the activities back to adam.

I ran the hot water and sat in the bath. I glanced at my razor, i tried so hard to push the thoughts out my head but they wouldn't budge.. just once.. I thought.. but once turned into 5 and 5 turned into 10. before long my ankle looked like i had walked threw a thorny bush. it felt like it too

I sighed. Another battle lost with myself I thought. but on the plus side i was feeling much happier and free.

I quickly got out and began getting dressed, I put on jeans and an oversized hoodie. Wanting to cover as much of my body as possible. making sure to put on high socks before turning to the door.

I left the bathroom glancing at Billie who was still naked but now awake on her phone.

"Good morning." She beamed a smile
"Morning." I said giggling to myself as is sat down on  the bed, i could feel my cheeks turning red. She sat up and hugged me. Laying down forcing me to lay down with her so I was now laying on top of her.

I laughed as she kissed my neck and my cheeks, as she kissed my neck i felt butterflies in my stomach.

"Billie! We have to get ready!" I laughed.
"5 more minutes." " she said, as she kissed me.

" i'm going for my run, please be ready for me when i get back!" i said standing up and walking to the door, i glanced at her only to see puppy dog eyes staring back at me. i ignored my urges to jump back into bed and left for my run.

-
We walked hand in hand to breakfast, smiling and laughing all the way to the breakfast hall, Billie was still convinced penguins had knees and i was still wondering if they could run..

As we arrived I dropped her hand, it was busy and packed and I didn't want to hear any homophobic comments. I noticed Billie glance at me a confused look on her face but she didn't argue against me.

We walked over to a round table near the window  me and Billie sat on one side and shortly after fin and billies mum joined us sitting on the other side. i couldn't help but feel nervous as they joined, did they know what happened last night? did they judge me? i pushed the thoughts out my mind and forced myself to live in the moment .

We ordered breakfast Billie got avocado on toast and fin and her mum got eggs on toast. I ordered a coffee.

"You not eating hunny? I haven't seen you eat since we left you must be starving." Billies mum said.
I looked at the floor the nervous feeling i had earlier suddenly returning and simply stated "I don't feel hungry." as i twisted and knotted my fingers in my lap, as i chewed on the metal stud in my lip, i was shocked i hadn't bent the bar or broken it with the amount i chewed on it..

I glanced up to see Billie shaking her head and glaring at her mum who was wearing a confused face. I think Billie understood more than i give her credit for, her mum however.. not so much, i couldn't blame her though, this was likely something shed never experienced before.

I looked out the window taking in the amazing view. The sun was shining above the buildings and there was a nice frosty feel to it all.

I felt a hand slide onto my leg and smiled to myself.

The food arrived and I tried to not pay attention to the others eating. Almost as if I did look at them then I would gain weight. i stayed looking down. i felt a hand on my leg under the table and glanced up to see billie smiling at me. i gave her a small smile and hoped i was convincing enough.

"Billie I came up with the perfect tune to lovely. I'll play it for you later." Fin said. snapping us out of our silent conversation

"Sick! We nearly have all the music I'll have to start thinking of some lyrics soon." Billie beamed genuinely excited.

I loved watching her be happy, music was one thing that filled her soul.

After breakfast me and billie went for a walk threw the streets. I loved being outside I felt safe and free. like it didn't matter what happened because i was confined.

"why you so happy?" Billie questioned
"Because.. when I'm outside there's no walls, nothing keeping me captured.. I feel.. free." I opened up. hoping she wouldn't think i was strange and run away from me.
"Need a place to hide, can't find one near. Wanna feel alive. Outside I can fight my fear." She said.
"..what?.." I questioned. very confused as to what on earth she was on about.

She laughed taking my hand as she started running. she was wearing a smile brightly on her lips
"Come on!"

-
Eventually we reached the hotel room, she called fin and begged him to meet her. he didn't take much convincing

I sat on the bed as the piano filled the room and Billie began to sing.

"But I know someday I'll make it out of here
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years
Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near
Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear
Isn't it lovely, all alone?
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin and bone
Hello, welcome home"
I smiled at her as she sang.

"Yes!! That's it that's the chorus!" She yelled, smiling the entire time as she jumped and danced around the room.

The rest of the day was spent perfecting the song and coming up with new lyrics. Within 4 hours we had half a song and all the music for it.

"Shall we do a Instagram live? We can show the fans the new song?" Billie suggested and we all agreed. maybe they could help us out with more lyrics.

She set it up and I made sure I wasn't on screen. Not wanting to cause any issues.

"GUYS!!.." she screamed to the camera. All energy came out when talking to the fans. "We've been writing all day and I wanted to show you something and see what you think? Ok??" She continued and again the room was filled with energy and music.

Safe to say the fans loved it, billies voice was beautiful they'd love anything she wrote but I wondered if anyone really listened deeply to the lyrics?

She finished singing and smiled at me.
"You did great, as always" I said.

Within seconds the comments filled with
"Who's that??"
"Is there another girl there??"
"Can we meet her."

Billie rolled her eyes at the comments and ignored them.

I didn't say anything else till the live stream was over. They did need to know about me they didn't need to know I existed.

-

Billies POV

We finished the live stream and I sat on the edge of my bed talking to fin. I noticed lily who was sat behind me resting against the headboard she had gone very pale and didn't seem to be really with it, like she was inside her own head.

"Everything ok?" I said causing her to jump.
"..yeah.. I just feel a bit sick." She said as she came back to reality.

I pulled her into my lap and hugged her tightly, I kissed her temples.

"How about now?" I asked as she laughed and buried her head into my jumper.
"Cute." Fin said and I glared at him in a jokey way.
"We have 3 hours till show time, do you think you'll be able to come watch me?" I asked.

I always felt like I did better when lily was watching as I wanted to please her which meant giving it my all.

"Yeah of course." She said, not even a glimpse of doubt in her mind.