Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Twenty

i had considered talking to lily but every time i nearly did i would talk myself out of it, i didn't know what to say to her. i had hurt her and scared her and that was something i had promised i wouldn't do, ever. but i was scared, i was scared one day id wake up and her skeleton would be next to me. dead.

. i wasn't mad anymore i was hurt and scared to lose her. it had been 4 hours, we had eaten way to much food and watched another film, i still didn't know what i was going to say to her but i just knew i needed to talk to her.

after hesitating for a while i decided it was now or never and got up and walked to the stairs. i sighed before making my way up.

-

Lily's POV

my body froze as i heard someone coming up the stairs. i pulled the sheets over me to my shoulders and tried to convince myself they weren't coming in here.

sadly my hope was burst when the door knob twisted. in walked a very tired looking billie, i could tell her had been crying, it shattered my heart. she had dark circles under her eyes and her silver hair was thrown up in a bun out of her face. 

at first she didn't say anything, she just stood there awkwardly, leaning against the door frame as she stared at the ground.

"listen.." she started. nerves filled her voice. she closed the door before walking over to the bed and sitting down. i didn't know why but i flinched and moved away as she got closer. i had the thought of her yelling in my head.

"i'm not going to hurt you.. i'm not even mad anymore.." she said, sounding like i had just ripped her heart strings out.

"i just want to explain why i reacted how i did. " she said. i tried to relax but i couldn't.

" i don't want to see you get hurt, i love you so much. when i see you doing shit like this to yourself all to burn a couple calories when your literally killing yourself ..breaks my heart." she said as she began to cry.

my anxiety faded away at seeing her so fragile.

"i'm sorry" i barely whispered. i had meant for it to come out much louder but it didn't want too.

at this stage billie was full on sobbing and ugly crying. although she could never look ugly.

"can we just- move on" she said, catching her breath in between as the sobs took over her body

i didnt reply i didn't need too. i just pulled her onto my lap and held her as she cried into my shoulder and i cried into her hair.

-

Billies POV

eventually we fell asleep, falling asleep and watching movies was quickly becoming are routine.

i was awoken by a knock at the door

"yeah!" i yelled. causing lily to groan as she snuggled closer in to my side.

"opps... sorry" i whispered as i kissed her head.

fin walked in, he looked like he was about to say something we wouldn't like.

"the family has decided we are going for a walk in the park, we are taking 4 cars, us 3 will go with mum in her car. can you be ready in 15?" fin said. giving a weak smile, he knew this would be hard on lily.

"yeah ok" i said. as he left and closed the door.

lily was now away staring at the wall

"its snowing and icy." she said, no emotion. more of a statement then a questions

"i know.. we will drive super slow" i said, trying to sound convincing.

she didn't reply she just sighed and got up

she stripped off her pjs and slipped into some black leggings and a burgundy oversized hoodie that just went past her butt. i took note of her bones, her hips where showing her legs looked like sticks, her arms looked like i could snap them, her rips i could count them. throwing her hair in a ponytail before smiling at me waiting for me to join her.

i stood up and made my way over to her, taking her in my arms and just hugging her for a few seconds, neither of us needed or wanted to say anything as we knew what was being thought anyway. it was just nice to be in each others grip.

i smiled before pulling back slightly so i could kiss her.

"It'll be ok" i said as i took her hand and left the room with her.

-

LILYS POV

this would be the first time id been in a car since my parents died, 2 years ago.

the car was small, red, 4 seater. it would not hold up against a lorry, car or even a tree. i wasn't sure it would even hold up against a rock if it was thrown hard enough.

me and billie got into the back and i tilted my head back and closed my eyes as i counted to slow my nervous breathing, the last thing i needed right now was a panic attack.

fin got in to the passenger side and his mum started the engine. and we began to move.

my entire body was shaking and i was gripping onto billies hand like it was the only thing preventing me from dying

the drive was about 30 minutes and after around 15 minutes i wasnt that scared anymore, i trusted the people i was with, they'd keep me safe.

we where only driving at around 30mph.

it was all going fine, or should i say was going fine?

until...i  heard screaming.

i looked up to see a lorry headlights on the wrong side of the road. i stopped breathing as our car began to roll around. i couldn't focus on anything i was seeing or hearing.

this was it.