Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I laid in the hotel bed my head on billies chest she was stroking my hair with her free hand whilst scrolling threw Twitter.

"Your gonna make me fall asleep.. I want to see your show." It was 4:30pm billie had to leave at 6pm to get ready for her show which was starting at 7:30

"If your tired sleep, there's plenty of shows for you to see missing one won't hurt you."

"But it's your first one of the tour.." my eyes where slowly closing.

"They'll be plenty of other firsts. I'd rather you not be walking around like a zombie.. just sleep.. at least for a little bit." She said putting her phone down and cuddling closer to me so her chin was on my head.

We both fell asleep.

-

"BILLIE!" I heard someone call. Maggie.

"Ssshhh! Your going to wake her!!" I heard billie whisper-yell.

"Get up! We have to go.." Maggie argued.

I groaned as I turned around away from the noise and threw the duvet over my head to get rid of the noise. I was still half asleep and very unaware of what was happening

-

I heard a door open and close and suddenly the bed dipped down, waking me up slightly.

I rolled over to see what was happening. My eyes met billies.

"Hey I didn't mean to wake you, sorry."

I sat up confused. She was meant to be preforming why was she here?

"What time is it..?" I asked well more like mumbled.

"1am.."

I must have looked shocked cuz billie began to laugh before pulling me into a hug and laying down with me.

-

The next morning I woke to billie singing and dancing as she got dressed. I sat up smiling at her.

"Enjoying the show?" She laughed as she hopped about pulling on her clothes.

I stood up and walked over to her wearing just a long top and some underwear.

She wrapped her arms around me pulling me close..

"Hmm I wish we could spend time alone.. but we have to get ready." She said as she took one of her hands and placed it inside my thigh.

"why.. where are we going?" I said trying not to show that she was turning me on.

She didn't reply she just moved her hand up my thigh, brushing against my pants slightly.

She rubbed gently circles causing a wet patch to appear.

"We're meeting up with some friends of mine."

I didn't reply, I didn't even hear what she said.

"Billie.." I gasped

She smirked at me before taking her hand away and going to grab a shirt.

I didn't find it funny I stood glaring at her.

"Later." She laughed as she walked into the bathroom.

-

We walked into the cafe and took a seat at the table soon Danielle and the bell twins walked in. I'd met the bell twins briefly but never Danielle.

I was beyond nervous,

I sat on my phone ignoring them too scared to say anything In case what I said was wrong.

They had food and some milkshakes whilst I sat with a glass of water.

I was jumped out of my thoughts by a hand in my thigh.

"Babe. Did you hear me?" Billie said, a concerned look on her face.

"No..sorry.." I stuttered. Looking away again hoping she wouldn't see my anxiety.

"Me and the guys are going to a party later. Do you want to come?"

I didn't think I just nodded my head. A party? What a bad idea.. I didn't do well around drugs and alcohol and now I'd just walked myself into it's hands.
-

I stood in the hallway of the party's house. It was a decent sized house 6 bedrooms, a pool and a massive living room/dining room that was more like a concert hall. I was currently hiding in the hallway because I could smell weed coming into the living room and I couldn't bare to go in there.

Billie was somewhere in the kitchen I'd briefly seen her with Danielle eating and drinking.

I walked down the hall way my fingers tracing the wall as I stopped in front of a large wall length mirror. My eyes dragged to my stomach I was wearing black leather jeans and a lose fitting black top that said "sorry I wasn't listening." In gold.

I grimaced as I noticed how my fat poked out at the fabric. A reminder I wasn't and never would be thin. I'd gained so much recently, whilst I knew I had to if I didn't want to end up in hospital I hated how it made me look.

My thighs jiggled as I walked down the hall way and I felt out of control, I felt angry, I felt disgusting. I screamed as I threw myself against the wall. Wishing to do damage to myself. Nothing. So I took my curled up fist and hurdled it too my head. Taking blow after blow until I couldn't hit no more. My head span and I threw myself against the wall again before taking more hits.

I suddenly felt hands wrap around my wrists. I tried to yank away but the hands wouldn't let me go. I looked up for my eyes to meet billie. I felt calmer as her eyes sucked my anger away.

"Calm down." She spoke. Showing no emotion but sounding strict.

"Get off me." I snapped. I just wanted to go home. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I was losing control.

"Not until you tell me what's going on."

"Nothing I was just angry but I'm fine now." I lied. I didn't think she believe me but she let go anyway.
I stumbled off half limping from hitting my hip against the wall. When I glanced around I noticed Billie was watching as I walked off. She still had no emotion in her face but I knew she was angry at me.

As soon as I walked into the living room the weed hit me and I knew I wouldn't be able to resist.