Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Eight

I walked out the door hand in hand with billie.
She was beaming ear to ear it made my heart full to see her so happy.

We slowly exited the house and made are way to the tour bus, it was like a converted transport bus, which shocked me as i thought it would be more like a caravan.
I was nervous but excited.

i waited as everyone else go on and i stood hesitating by the door. 

i could do this.. it had been 2 years.. 

i put both feet on the step of the bus. my head swam through miles of thoughts. i felt dizzy and sick. i wobbled from side to side grabbing onto the railing to hold myself up.

suddenly i glanced up to see a confused billie infront of me.

"you ok?..." she said. her eyebrows furrowed together

"yeah.. i just.. yeah im fine." i said avoiding eye contact

"come on then." she said. more like it was a challenge then anything else.

my breathing hitched in my throat as i took another step onto the bus. 

i couldn't contain the anxiety. i began to cry which only made me angry, why oh why was i always fucking crying?!

"step outside with me..." billie said taking my shoulders and guiding me out of the bus.

i leant my back against it as i tried to calm myself down.

jake must have been watching the entire thing as next thing i knew he was by my side. adam? nowhere to be seen. i thought people in a relationship where meant to care about you?

"breathe lily.. your fine" he said looking me dead in the eyes

"i cant do it. its too soon" i sobbed

"lily.. they died in a car on an icy snowy road, in fog and at dark and because of a drunk driver.." he said.

"your much safer in the bus, it's not icy, there's no fog, and its light outside. people won't be drinking at this time. you'll be ok" he continued. 

i nodded, taking in what he said. he was right, i was being pathetic as always.

i glanced at billie who looked very concerned but gave me a weak smile anyway.

she took my hand and walked towards the bus. i walked up the steps slowly. my legs shook and it felt like id never walked before

i gripped onto billies hand as if it was the only thing keeping me alive. 

the memories flash threw my brain. the police coming to are door and saying the dreaded words. another tear leaked through my eyes, onto my skin. i took a deep breath as me and billie walked to the back of the bus, i could see people doing their best not to look at me but they were clearly concerned

billie sat down pulling me down with her so i was next to her. i could barely breathe, my body was shaking noticeably. 

billie pulled me close so i was leaning on her and wrapped her arms around me. i felt safer in her arms. like it was a protective cage, however i doubted they would save me from the impact of another car. 

she kissed my head and i forced out a small smile.

I spend most of the time at the very back of the bus mainly so  me and billie had some privacy during the ride.

it had been a few hours, with every hour i relaxed more however there were times when wed drive over a pothole or to fast round a corner and id panic again but billie was there for me. billie was sat leaning against the window and I was sat next to her she had her legs draped across my lap.

Her mum and fin where a few seats down planning out the routine for her show tonight.

After a few hours we arrived and Billie was ripped away from me for sound checks, I knew from the start it would be busy and hectic so I wasn't surprised, i was just glad to get off the bus.  I decided to go and explore the venue. although i had hoped we'd get to see each other a bit i wasn't going to be surprised if it was only a few hours a day

It was medium sized 9000 people would be here tonight I had reserved myself a spot at the front. i was well and truly ready to break necks if someone tried to take my spot. id never been to a concert or seen billie perform however i was excited. she looked so excited when she spoke about music or rote new songs so i was happy to see how she would perform.  

I watched as Billie rehearsed, she caught my eye and smiled at me sending electric shivers up my spine. i looked at the ground, trying to hide the smile on my face.

It wasn't long after this the show was about to start. there where people running around hecticly, like they'd lost their heart and urgently needed to find it. 

I stood outback with her, she was calm and didn't seem even slightly nervous, she was way to far into our random chats, right now we were discussing if penguins had knees or tongues.. and before I knew it the time had come

I hugged her tightly.
"Good luck. You don't need it though."
"Thank you baby." She said as she kissed me.
I decided to head to the front before people started filing it so I would get my space and not have to break any necks.