Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Sixty-Five ⚠️

A/N - trigger warning! ⚠️ this chapter is based off of real events I have been threw today. This chapter has the potential to be extremely triggering.  This chapter will also probably be fairly short as it's my second upload today ⚠️

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I woke up slowly hoping the pain would be gone but.. it wasn't. I still felt like shit. I picked up my phone and was surprised to see 4 new messages from numbers I didn't have saved.

I glanced at billie realising she was still asleep I decided I would ask her if she knew the numbers later.

I opened the messages and my stomach dropped. It was all hate.
'Kill yourself' 'ugly' 'worthless' and other mean words flooded my screen.

I quickly turned off the device throwing it across the room as I felt myself begin to break down. I've always been one to let hate get to me.

I clamped my hand over my mouth as I tried to stop the tears from falling. I tried to be as quite as possible as the sobs racked my body causing it to shake.

Suddenly I heard billie stir and I held my breath hoping she'd go back to sleep.

"Baby whats wrong??" She said sitting up and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Nothing. I'm ok, go back to sleep." I said smiling at her as it tears weren't staining my eyes.

"Clearly your not ok?"

"I'm fine just anxiety, go back to sleep." The lie slipped out to easily.

I quickly got off the bed and tried to head to the bathroom but billie was fast and grabbed hold of my wrist.

"Talk to me." She said her eyebrows creased with concern

"Billie, really it's just a panic attack I'll be ok." I smiled as I yanked my arm free. I saw her face change to defeated as she let me leave.

Once in the bathroom I ran some water and pulled out my razor creating 4 deep cuts and 20 less deep cuts. When I was finished and calmer I placed a towel over the cuts allowing them to dry up whilst I brushed my teeth and got dressed into jeans and a hoodie.

I walked out into the bedroom like nothing happened but billie wasn't buying anything. She grabbed my arm and I couldn't help but wince.

"What did you do.." she asked growing more concerned by the minute.

"Nothing but your pinching me.." I lied.

"Show me... please.."

"I didn't do anything." I lied again.

"Baby please ...your scaring me.."

With that she shattered my heart. I heisted before rolling up my sleeve to reveal the 24 freshly made cuts.

"Fuck.. Babe these are deep!"

I didn't reply I just looked at the ground avoiding the question.

"Can you please tell me what caused this? You know I won't judge you. Come on.."

And with that I told her everything.

A\N unedited.. again...