The world can throw a lot of emotions at you. When billie goes to a school to sing but ends up seeing a girl bullied she starts to feel something new.
TRIGGER WARNING: this book contains chapters about self harm, depression, anxiety, trauma, abuse a...
I roll over in bed, it's early in the morning but I notice Billie is awake on her phone, when I look closer I notice her eyebrows are creased and she looks upset.
"What's wrong??" I say a hint of urgency and concern lacing my voice.
She doesn't reply she simply hands me the phone from her hands.
When I look at it it has a picture of us kissing.
"Shit.." is all I'm able to say.
"The fans from yesterday posted it." She says a tear rolling down her eye.
I go to wipe the tear away but she dodges me and climbs out of bed away from me.
"Billie I'm so sorry." My voice breaking at the end.
"No. Don't be. It's just-" she takes a deep breath before continuing.
"I don't want things to get crazy. I don't want them to hassle you, I don't want you getting hate, I don't want you getting stalked and bothered whenever you leave the house.. I miss that ya know.. leaving the house and not getting recognised. Because now everything I do is watched. I can't even kiss my own girlfriend outside the house without it being posted everywhere!! Ugh!" She frowns. Clearly frustrated at the situation.
She throws herself on her back onto the bed so her head is between my legs.
I lean over and stroke her hair in a attempt to help calm her down.
"I don't know what to do. Do I ignore it? Do I confront it? Do I explain it all? Do I answer with a simple 'yes I'm dating someone?" She lets out a frustrated sigh.
"It's up to you. Whatever you think is right is ok with me."
In the end billie decides to take till the end of the day to think about it, not wanting to rush the decision. People have already started blowing up my twitter and social media, they already know who I am. I don't tell billie though, I know it'll just make the situation worse. I know she will just panic.
We where sat cuddled in silence, still not moved from the bedroom when there was a knock at the door.
"Yeah!?" Billie yells. Causing me to groan at the loudness and snuggle closer into her side. She kisses my head and a smile sneaks onto my face.
Finneas walks in. I throw him a small smile before cuddling back into billies side.
"Have you seen what's going on? Your social media is going crazy." He says, he doesn't sound angry, more concerned then anything.
"Yeah. I don't know what to do though. Do I address? Ignore it? I don't want lily getting dragged into the craziness." She responds. Tightening her arms around me.
"Billie I can handle it. It's ok." I say, I try to sound convincing but it doesn't work.
"No." She snaps.
"Billie. They already know. Lilys Instagram is being tagged in all the photos too."
"Fuck. Why? Why does this happen? I just want one thing to myself!!" She says, clearly frustrated.
Fin sits down on the edge of the bed and sighs.
"I think you should confront it. Ask them to respect both your privacy, if they do then great, if not we will have to think of something.. but it's not going to just go away.." Finneas says. He's always been wise.
"Ok." Billie sighs. She sounds defeated. She didn't want this. She wanted it to be our secret.
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Both Billie and I decided to switch our phones off. It wasn't worth the stress of reading the speculation and opinions. Billie posted a photo of the two of us but she blurred my face out. We both decided it was best if we at least tried to prevent people know who I was but Billie didn't want to lie to her fans and say she wasn't dating anyone.
She sent a message to the person who posted the photo of us and asked them to remove it, which they did. They apologised too explaining they didn't know we wanted it to be a secret and I did believe they meant that.
Not everyone does this just to try and hurt someone else.
Billie was clearly still stressed about the situation. She wasn't her normal self, she was just out of character. It would just be little things like when I hug her she wouldn't squeeze me tightly or when I kissed her she wouldn't prevent me from stopping.
She was distant. Like she was trapped in her head which was a feeling I knew too well.
"Billie." I said. It wasn't a question it was a statement to get her attention.
She looked at me and offered a weak smile but I saw right threw it.
"Your upset." I sighed
"No. I'm fine." She said giving another weak smile.
"Don't lie to me." I snapped, nearly angry she expected me to open up but wouldn't do the same for me.
"I'm just stressed babe. It's not your fault and you can't do anything about it. I'll be better when it all calms down but really I'm ok, just a little stressed."
I didn't reply. I buried my head in her shoulder and this time she wrapped her arms around me. Presumably seeing how concerned I was and she gave me a light squeeze.
I didn't worry about Billie often, she was strong. Much stronger then me. But I could see how this was effecting her no matter how much she tried to convince me she was fine I just didn't believe her. Whilst I knew she wasn't close to her breaking point I didn't want her to be anywhere close to that stage.
I just wanted her to be happy and I didn't know how to make her happy. She was stressed and that make me stressed.
