Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Forty-Three

I woke and rolled over to the side lily was sleeping she was awake starring back at me, her eyes didn't hold a spark anymore they held a darkness, she'd given up her fight.

"Hey.. how you feeling?" I said, she glanced up at my eyes but didn't reply to me.

"What's upset you?" I asked no reply, not even eye contact.

"Lily you have to talk to me, or someone at least." I begged. She looked up at my eyes and I watched as they became glossy.

"I can't stop Adam. Even if he goes to jail he gets bailed. He wants to kill me so let him. All I can think about when I walk past a mirror is how fat I am or how ugly I am. I just want to be drunk or stoned so I don't remember... or dead. Look how much drama I've bought into your life billie. Look how many bad things have happened to you!" She broke down in tears.

I wrapped my arms around her creating a protective cage. I didn't say anything I knew there was nothing I could say to fix how she was feeling instead I kissed the top of her head and down her neck where her cuts where.

"I just.. im so sick of feeling this way." She cried.

"Babygirl you can get better but it takes time."

She didn't reply she turned away from me and just stared up at the ceiling.

-

I was in the green room going over the emergency plan for tonight's show. We decided to go ahead with tour but we had over double the amount of security.

Lily had been extremely depressed all day, she hadn't eaten, hadn't spoken much, she seemed on the verge of tears all day.

I had 50 minutes before my show and I was set in my mind I was going to get lily to eat.

I found something light in the fridge, a alpro yogurt.

I headed over to the sofa she was sitting on and gave her a weak smile as she made eye contact with me as I approached.

I knelt down to her level placing my free hand on her knee.

"You need to eat." Her eyes went wide as she looked down at my hand still resting on her leg.

"No. I can't." Her voice shook.

"Why? You got to talk to me"

"Because I can't billie." Her leg shook as fear entered her veins.

"Why." I pushed

She hesitated before looking up at me but she didn't reply.

"Look at you. Your ribs are countable, your hips poke out, your collarbone could be grabbed. Your heart will stop working. Do you hear me? You'll die."

She stood up shoving past me and walking away.

"Lily wait. Please." I said trying to catch up with her.

"No! You don't get it billie! I can't just eat it's not that simple!!" She screamed as she pushed threw the fire exit digging around her her pocket before pulling out a joint and lighting it. She took a long drag before she sighed and looked at me again.

"It's just not that simple." She cried.

"I just want to help you. You know that right." I said the hurt showing in my voice.

"I know. But you can't. I have to do it myself and right now I don't know how to do that. I'm so reliant on these fucking drugs to get myself to eat I don't know how to without.." her voice cracked at the end as she turned away from me so I wouldn't see her break.

"Billie your on in 5." My mum yelled threw the door.

"Shit. Are you going to be ok? I can delay if not." I suggested

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. don't ruin your show over me. I'll be here waiting for you when your done." She turned around to face me again offering a smile as she took a final drag putting the joint out and chucking it aside.

"We need to talk when I'm done... but I love you ok." I said hugging her.

"I know... I love you too."

I walked into the green room again lily trailing behind me before taking her seat on the sofa.

I walked over to my mum.

"Don't let her out of your sights. She's not ok." I said low enough lily wouldn't hear me.

"Don't worry. I'll look after her. Have fun" she replied. I smiled and walked away. Bouncing in the wing before running into the stage to start crown.

-

LILYS POV.

I spent most of the show sat on the sofa watching billie on the tv that was playing the show live.

She was about to start playing come out and play when I noticed she was nervous. Billie never got nervous on stage and I quickly realised the song would be reminding her off me. I walked over to the wing Maggie following close behind me. As soon as she spotted me she relaxed. I flashed her a smile to let her know I was still ok and still waiting for her.

She sang the song like it was the first time, putting her heart and soul into it.

It made my heart feel happier listening to her sing, she was like a temporary magic cure.

As her final song finished I was back in the green room. I only realised she had finished when suddenly a body was thrown on top of mine hugging me to death.

"I missed you." She smiled. Kissing my lips.

"I missed you too. But it's only been 4 hours." I laughed

"It felt like 4 years." She said pulling herself closer, if that were even possible.