Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Thirty-Eight

I found the source of the smell of weed within seconds I sat down in the circle where the joint was being passed, not even bothering to introduce myself.

"Want some?" A girl with brown hair that had pink dyed tips smiled to me.

I didn't reply I simply just held my hand out. She handed me the joint and I took 3 long drags before passing it on.

I sat with these people for a while not paying attention to the chatting around me I was only interested in the joints and their drinks.

People kept handing me shots of various alcohol, half the time I didn't even know what I was drinking and the other half the time they'd be handing me a joint.

The room swayed side to side and voices blurred together I couldn't even pin point each word they all sounded the same.

I knew I'd let myself down, but maybe I needed this?
Maybe I needed to hit rock bottom to be able to build a stable foundation again.
-

BILLIES POV

I sat on the counter eating carrots with hummus with Danielle she was talking about how she was going on tour and I was talking about songs.

I didn't get to talk to her often so when I did we spend hours talking.

"Hey I'm going to go find lily." I said realising I hadn't seen her in a while.

I wondered out the kitchen into the living room and down the hall. It didn't take me long to find her.

I watched as she threw a hit at her own head. Blood began to roll down her forehead.

When I approached her she seemed totally out of it, but I knew she was sober still. She wouldn't dare touch anything here, she was stronger then that.

She told me she was just mad sensing an argument I decided to let her go. I would find out sooner or later why she was so angry with herself.

She stumbled off into the living room so I went back to see Danielle.

-

"Yo. Where's lily? I don't think I've seen her this entire party.." Danielle spoke.

"We had a fight earlier she wondered off. I'll go find her." I said jumping down from my place on the counter I was sitting on.  

I walked into the living room and scanned the area for her. My heart dropped at what I saw.

She was swaying all over the place sat cross legged using her arms to stop her self collapsing. She looked like she was overdosed on something.

I shoved people out the way to get to her side. Crouching down near her I placed my hand on her chin to make her look at me. She didn't respond she just stared straight threw me, like I wasn't even there.

"What the fuck has she taken?" I yelled to the group around her.

"Um.. like a pint of vodka, half a bottle of wine,  7 joints and some coke...party animals man." The girl the other side of her spoke, laughing slightly.

"Is this funny to you? She's fucking out of it!" I snapped.

"Hey. I ain't her mum she can do what the fuck she wants." The girl returned equally annoyed.

I scoffed in disbelief that they'd let her get so fucked up.

Danielle appeared out of nowhere her face looked like she'd seen a ghost.

"Help me get her to the bathroom." I said. As I grabbed an arm and hoisted lily to her feet.

As we dragged her into the bathroom I called my mum. I was scared. I'd never seen lily like this, she was awake but she wasn't here her mind was somewhere else. She had no clue what was going on. I quickly began to break down crying once I was where other people couldn't see me, when I realised how serious the situation was.

'Hello? Billie?' My mum spoke threw the phone.

"Mum! Oh my god I don't know what to do lily over dosed on drugs and alcohol that some girls gave to her. She's out of it I don't know what to do." I sobbed. My mum went into what most would call 'mother mode' and quickly began giving me instructions. With the help of Danielle I pulled lily into a sitting position and pulled her head over the toilet, Danielle held her hair back as I shoved two fingers down Lilys throat.

"Nothings happening!" I cried out of desperation

I pushed them in further as she began to gag. I sighed in relief as she was sick. I don't think I've ever been happy to see someone sick before.

She was sick again and again like a chain reaction as her stomach emptied.

"Get it out baby." I soothed as she sobbed over the toilet seat, crouched by her side stroking her arm.

She looked around confused as she began to come round.

"Hi, hey beautiful." I smiled realising she was actually starting to realise what was going on.

"I'm sorry." She cried as she began gagging again.

"No, don't you worry about that we can talk later right now you need to make sure you got it all out."

-

We finally got home and I sat on the edge of the bed still shaken and afraid. lily was asleep next to me, she had a hand wrapped around my waist pulling herself close.

My mum stood by the door concern in her eyes.

"How did this even happen bil? She could have died, she could still have serious damage." My mum scolded me and I had to force eye contact.

"I didn't think anything bad would happen.." I said looking at the floor.

"You know she has a history of drug abuse!" My mum whisper yelled.

"I know! I didn't think. I thought she'd find me if it was too much but I guess the group found her first. I love her mum! You know I'd never do anything to hurt her!" I cried. My mum came and sat next to me pulling me into a side hug.

"I know. But you got to be careful. She's so fragile and something small will kill her. I don't want to have to watch you attend your girlfriends funeral."

I didn't say more I just sat hugging my mum till I stopped crying. Eventually she turned and left the room for the night.

I snuggled into bed making sure to pull lily as close as I possibly could.