Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Twenty-Two

im unsure how long we'd been laying together, lily was asleep, cuddled up to my side. it felt like minutes but realistically was more like hours. i was surprised when my my mum came threw the door.

she looked tired, none of us had really slept at all since the crash. we were surviving on coffee alone, no food, no sleep.

"hey.. its time to go." she said. still waiting at the door. i was shocked she would think i was leaving lily here alone... how could she think i would?

"im not leaving her here.." i said, slightly colder then i meant too

"you need to take care of yourself."

she wasn't wrong but i would always put lilys need before my own. A L W A Y S.

"no i'm staying here." i said. she didn't reply. she sighed, look to the floor and walked out.

i rested my head on lilys, just thinking. thinking how our lives have changed the last month or 2.

-

i turned my head to the side, half asleep half awake. you know when something wakes you and you kinda know something's going on but your body won't wake up? well thats what was happening to me right now. i glanced at my phone, 3am.

it took me a few minutes to realise but i soon noticed lily was shaking. assuming in my half asleep state she was cold i pulled her closer to me in an attempt to warm her up.

however she simply pushed me away with a violent shove. causing me to snap out of my sleepy state as i realised she was breathing fast and crying.

"whats going on?" i asked. shocked with the way she was acting.

"you need to go. now." she snapped. turning away from me.

"...what?..no..." i said confused but defensive. how could she want or expect me to just leave?

"get out billie!" she yelled.

"ssshhh... its 3am..."

"im serious. leave. now" she nearly hissed, as she climbed out the bed and walked over to the wall. she lent up against it, bending over slightly.

"i...i dont... what... what did i do...?" i was shocked, hurt and even a little scared. id never seen her like this.

at this moment a nurse came in, i was now stood up the other side of the room to lily.

"you need to get into bed hunny, you shouldn't be up." the lady said, giving a gentle smile to lily

the lady placed her hands on lilys shoulders and thats when it all went wrong.

"NO. GET OFF ME!" She screamed as she struggled out of the ladys grip.

"calm down!" the lady yelled back. only adding fuel to lilys fire.

without hesitating i quickly crossed the space between us and stepped between the two, if lily was acting aggressively to me i didnt want to see how it would end towards a stranger, something in her head wasn't right.

"ok ok, lily, please listen to me.." i said taking the nurses position, but before i could finish speaking to her the nurse injected her with something, that caused her to collapse asleep in my arms.

i held her on the floor for a moment, thinking about how peaceful she is now compared to how she was just a few seconds ago.

"it's the drugs, they heighten her emotions.." she sighed. " anything she was feeling before will be 50 times stronger now.. she'll calm down when she comes off it tomorrow night. stick with her." she continues. giving me a weak smile before helping me get lily into bed and then leaving the room.

i take a seat in the chair across the room, i don't know what the right or wrong thing to do right now is. i don't know if i should stay close or far away. i guess ill stay far away until i can ask her what she wants me todo. If she will even give me an answer..

i spend the rest of the morning on my phone, replying to dms, comments, liking fanart and memes. eventually i fall asleep in the small uncomfortable chair.

-

when i wake, i can hear crying. i glance at my phone 8am. I've gotten 3 hours of sleep..

i slowly turn to look at lily. who is curled in a ball in her bed. sobbing to herself. slowly rocking backwards and forwards.

im not sure what the best approach is so i slowly stand up and make my way over to her.

i stand at her bed but she doesnt notice im there, so i gently put my hand on her shoulder.

she jumps at my touch but i dont pull away, it's not the same violence as before.. she slowly brings her hand up to covers mine and pulls it from her shoulder and just holds my hand for a while staring at it as she plays around with my fingers, i wonder what she's thinking about.

"im sorry." she says, her voice cracking and breaking like it's been unused for days.. finally breaking the silence and making eye contact with me.

"for what..?" i say shocked, slowly taking a seat on the edge of her bed.

"being a mess, ruining your life, causing you bad luck, being the wor-"

"shut up.." i cut her off.

"im here with you because i want to be. do you understand that?" i continue. she remains quite.
She looks down at our hands again.

"lily. listen to me. if i didn't want to be around you i wouldn't be. i would have left long ago. but i love you and thats why im here, that's why i stay. i know for a fact you'd do the same for me. therefore i'll always be here for you threw anything, good OR bad."

she stops playing with my fingers and bites her lip like shes unsure what to say. so i simply just wrap my arms around her.

"your ok, we're ok." i say hugging her closer, until there is no air between us, she doesn't reply she just hugs me tighter. We keep each other alive. That's how we work.