Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Fifty-Seven

I smiled down at lily who was asleep in my arms. I kissed her head. She looked so peaceful.

"Baby are you awake?" I asked, she gently shook her head.

"Wake up, its lunch time." I said kissing her again. She groaned and slowly opened her eyes.

"I'm not hungry." She said automatically

"Just some fruit." I begged, I knew I could get her to eat.

She shook her head.

"Come on." I said as I stood up and led her to the kitchen.

LILYS POV

I lent up against the side of the wall half asleep as Billie made fruit salad, once she was done she put a large bowl of fruit in the centre of the dining table and took a seat, I copied.

I glared at the amount of sugar In the bowl.

"Babe it's just fruit, it's healthy." She said smiling.

I knew she wouldn't give in so I popped an apple slice in my mouth chewing it slowly to prolong the time between the next one.

After 6 pieces of fruit I began to feel bloated and that's when the voice kicked in and my panic started.

Billie had her eyes fixated on me and whilst part of me knew it was because she knew I was getting anxious the other part of me told me she was judging me.

I quickly stood up taking a shaky breath in before darting up the stairs at full speed, not wanting billie to see me have a panic attack.

"Lily wait!" She yelled out as I heard her following.

I slammed the door to the bedroom, sadly there was no lock. I tried to get my shit together before she made it up stairs but it was no use the tears kept coming as I paced the room trying to control my breathing.

Billie walked in and that's when i totally lost it and began sobbing as I paced.

"Breathe... your fine.." Billie said as she realised what was going on. I shook my head. She came closer and I didn't reject. I didn't know what I wanted right now. 

She placed her hands on my shoulders and I looked into her eyes threw my own glossy eyes.

"Breathe..."

"I can't." Was all I said before I went back to pacing

"Ok.. come with me." She said as she held her hand out. I wasn't sure what she was doing but I took her hand anyway as she led me to the front door.

We ended up walking down the road. As soon as we got outside my breathing slowly returned to normal.

Billie stopped taking a seat on a nearby wall so I copied her.

"What's going on up there?" She said turning to me.

"I don't even know anymore I just feel awful every time I eat or see myself. I just I don't know." I said still crying

"Oh baby...I wish I knew how to help you." She said as she took me into a hug.

"My parents are having a bbq at the weekend, you gonna come?" Billie asked as she pulled back stroking soothing circles on my back.

"I don't know.." I said

"Please it'll be fun, we can go swimming and chill in my room, you don't have to eat."

"But it'll be hot and I'll have skin on show and i don't know if my aunt will allow it cuz she would have just got back from holiday.. I want to see you it just makes me nervous." I said honestly

"I know, you don't have to show skin we can stay in my room with the air con on."

"Ok.. I'll ask" I replied.

-

The next thing I knew it was time for billie to leave. I was sad but it was Thursday morning now and I'd hopefully see her Saturday morning. If I could convince my aunt.

I stood by the door with her waiting for finneas to arrive to pick her up, just hugging her knowing I wouldn't be able to till Saturday.

Suddenly billies phone went off, she pulled away to read the text

"He's outside, I gotta go." She said pulling me back in for another hug.

"I love you." I said trying not to cry.

"I love you too, stay strong Babygirl you'll be home soon." She said before kissing me. Slowly she let go of my hand as she walked out the door, disappearing again.

I didn't close the door till she was completely gone from my sight