Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Sixty-Four

I stood in the kitchen at the bell twins house they'd offered to make me and billie dinner as a celebration for the radio live I did.

I don't know why but I tried to be happy but I just couldn't. For some reason my mood was just down and all I could think about was the calories and the weight I'd gain.

I paced back and forth nervously and pinched parts of my skin as I tried to relax but it didn't work.

I could smell the pizza cooking, I tried so hard to focus on billie as she chatted away but my thoughts where loud and clear.

I watched as the pizza came out the oven and was cut up and put on plates.

As everyone sat down to enjoy there food I hesitated, looking at the plate that had 3 slices of pizza. Probably around 600-700 calories.

Billies PoV

As I sat down to eat I noticed lily stood further back from the table as she stared at the food like it was an enemy.

I wanted to ask if she was ok but I already knew the answer and didn't want to draw attention to her.

I watched her closely as she battled her thoughts and I took a bite of my pizza.

Issac must have noticed that she didn't sit down as he turned around to look at her for a moment before speaking.

"You good bro?" He asked causing lily to snap from her thoughts.

I could see the panic in her eyes.

"I'm sorry... I can't do this." She said as she began to cry and ran from the room.

Eyes turned to me.

"I'll go speak to her.. it's not you guys don't worry."

I walked out the room after taking another bite of my pizza to go find lily. I quickly found her pacing around the bathroom in distress.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.. I tried.. but I can't." She said sobbing in blinded panic.

I quickly wrapped my arms around her, I could feel her heart beating out her chest.

"Babe it's ok.. calm down your ok... what's got you so worked up?"

"I can't talk about it." Was all she choked out before she began crying again.

"Ok ok.. how about you go to the spare room where we're staying tonight try and relax a bit put on some music and when your calmer I'll go finish my food and after we can talk yeah?" I said hoping she would agree..

She didn't reply but when I grabbed her hand to guide her to the spare room she didn't object.

Once in the room I pulled back the bed covers allowing lily to get in and made sure I tucked her in.

"What music do you want to listen too?" I asked as she dried her tears already starting to calm down.

"You." She replied and I smiled at the thought that when she's stressed all she wants to hear is my voice.

I made a playlist of come out and play, lovely, bored, party favour, when the party's over and a few other calmer songs I had written.

"Do you want me to stay?" I asked as she rolled onto her side and began to close her eyes

"No it's ok go enjoy your food." She smiled at me and I lent down to kiss her head

"I'll be back in like 15 minutes text me or come find me if you need me ok?" I spoke softly against her head and she nodded.

Once I'd left I returned to the kitchen I noticed the guys raise their eyebrows at me.

"Is she ok?" They asked at the same time.

"Yeah she's good she's just had a stressful day." I said whilst picking up my pizza.

After eating I checked on lily finding her fast asleep I decided to leave her to sleep and check in on her later.

The guys and I spent some time drinking and munching snacks and talking. We even watched some tv by the time my phone went off it was 9:30pm.

I glanced at the text.
Lily
Where are you?

'In the lounge Babe is everything ok?' I replied after a few minutes of her not replying I decided to go check on her.

When I peeped threw the door I found her curled up crying again.

"Oh baby what's going on.." I said as I joined her in the bed pulling her half on top of me.

"I just feel so shit. Like mentally and physically... I hate my body I hate everything about me." She cried

I knew there was nothing I could say to make her feel better so I just hugged her tight and spoke soothing words to her.