Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Sixteen

It's been a week since Jake passed away. Lily has been living with us, she couldn't bare the thought of going back to the house where she saw her brothers body and having adam remind her every day. we had to put the tour on hold. Lily was our family now and you always care for family first.

She hadn't eaten much at all she just wanted to lay in bed all day, sleep, cuddle and watch films.

She was totally withdrawn, she'd hardly said 4 words to me in the entire week she hadn't kissed me or touched me other then cuddling close at night to prevent the nightmares that invaded her head, whenever I tried to hug her when she was awake she'd just sit there lifeless, it was like hugging a doll. It was almost as if she died when he did.

It was 1pm, lily had left the bedroom once and that was too pee.

Me, fin and my mum where going out soon, none of us felt safe leaving lily alone so they'd given me the task of getting her out of bed and ready to go.

Baring in mind she hadn't left in a week this task wasn't going to be easy.

I slowly walked into the room shutting the door behind me.

Lily was in bed asleep. As always.

I sat down next to her, she didn't move, didn't react in any way.

"Baby.. it's me." I said. Softly, I was genuinely afraid she could shatter at any second if I said or did the wrong thing.

She opened her eyes and looked at me. I gave her a weak smile but she didn't respond.

"We've got to go out. We can't leave you here."

"I'm staying in bed." She said, a statement not a question. No emotion to her voice. That was the most she'd said to me this week.

"You have too.. my mum won't leave you here.. come on it'll be fine." I said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze

"It's my fault he's dead." She said. A tear escaping her eyes.

"What?? No! No it's not." I said quickly removing the tear with my thumb. "He never told you how he was feeling lily. You couldn't have known." I continued. i was heartbroken that this is what shed been telling herself this last week.

She sat up but didn't respond to what I said.

"Where are we going?" She said. Still no emotion showing in her tone.

"Shopping centre.." I said quickly handing her some leggings and a oversized hoodie to put on.

Eventually her body trudged towards the door and into the car.

I could tell she was nervous she was picking at the skin and pinching the fat on her body, i tried my best to distract her but there was little i could do.

-

LILYS POV

I sat in the car as we pulled up to the parking lot.

Slowly we jumped out and began walking to the store. Once inside I soon realised I was in over my head majorly.

People glanced at me and I wondered what they were thinking. my heart felt heavy and my lungs small.

Ew. Fat. Thick thighs. Wide hips. Is she pregnant? She looks dead. Her face is chubby must eat a lot.

"Breathe." A calming voice reminded me, Billie.

I hadn't even noticed I'd started to hyperventilate.

She took my hand in hers as she stared into my eyes, making sure I was ok. like she was trying to read my brain.

"I'm fine." I said trying to be as reassuring as I could be.

"Don't lie to me." She said.

I smiled weakly.

"Really billie, I'm coping." trying to sound convincing.

-

an hour later and we finally walked threw the front door i practically threw my coat onto the hanger and ran up the stairs to billies room. throwing myself onto the bed and into the covers. i was shattered and all i wanted was to sleep. i heard billie walk into the room. she sighed before getting into bed with me.

-

"jake?" i yelled walking into my home. id been out all day at school, i had many things to tell him.

i skipped around the house as i made my way to his room. i stopped dead in my tracks as i entered the hallway.

jake was there hanging lifelessly. his head snapped up, eyes black like something out of a horror film.

"its your fault!! your why im dead" he screamed. "i would be alive if it wasn't for you!! i suffered because of you!!!!!!!!" he yelled so loud my ears hurt.

-

BILLIES POV

I was sat watching netflix when lily began to stir, she wriggled around but i realised she was still asleep.

"sshh its ok" i said stroking her hair, pulling her closer, hoping she'd just fall back to a normal sleep

suddenly her eyes popped open as she sat up. she was panting like she couldnt breath, she was sweating.

i quickly sat up next to her and looked into her eyes

"its ok, your ok" i said, softly. i didn't know what had happened but i'm guessing it was a nightmare.

she glanced around the room so fast it made me motion sick. i watched as her breathing slowed going from panicked to sad. she laid back down and i did the same.

as the river of tears began she cuddled herself into my side and i welcomed the hug as i wrapped my arms around her. this was the most affection lily had showed me all week.

"oh baby. its ok" i said, but she just kept crying.