Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter One

I woke slowly, I didn't sleep much last night. My thoughts keep me wide awake most nights.
it's 4am. I wake between 4am and 5:30am every morning. It was the most peaceful time and I loved being awake when barely any one else was, although i must admit with the awful cold winter weather i do struggle to get out of my bed at times..

I slowly get out of bed, I live in a two small bedroom flat with my older brother Jake and his friend Adam. I use the term friend lightly because.. well.. you'll see why.. Our parents never made it with us but this is a story for another time. Jakes room is next to mine which is very handy as I don't have to get out of bed to wake him I can just simply bang on the wall and yell

"Dude time to get up!" He Bangs back to clarify he's heard me.

Maybe that's just me being lazy but it works and has become our routine
Jake will wake Adam up when he gets up as me an Adam don't tend to talk unless we have too..

I slowly get dressed pulling on some black yoga pants and a blue workout top.

I walk to the door tying my hair up in a ponytail. And sliding on my black running shoes, my legs hurt from the day before but i know if i don't run i won't be able to contain the thoughts. i had half a bowl of pasta last night and was meant to be fasting, my mind is already giving me hell i can't skip this run.

I throw open the door and made my way down the stairs once out the front of the building I began into a jog. I take in the coldness and bitterness which most people hate but it makes me feel at peace, i guess because i link it to happy memories.

I run 1 mile from home and then run the mile back, making it 2 miles in total. It takes me about 20 minutes.

By the time I'm home I have this burning feeling in my throat and lungs and my body feels light and relaxed.

I then finish off with 60 sit ups.

After, I'm totally dead. Honestly I could easily go back to sleep but I have school.

After I'm done I look around and realise my brother who might I add is older then me but much less organised is still asleep.

"GET UP!!" I yell as I bang on the door With my fist. I hear a grown from the inside as I walk away.

The next task is getting dressed.

I wander into my room and find some black jeans and a red oversized hoodie to put on. Redoing my brown now sweaty hair into a ponytail and spraying myself with body spray so i smell like roses not a half dead sweaty rat.

After we have gotten dressed I make my way to the kitchen when I finally see Jake sat eating some cereal.

"where's Adam?" I ask raising an eyebrow. We're going to be late!
"Getting dressed." Jake says as milk spills out his mouth from eating with his mouth full of cereal.

I drink a coffee and moan about how early it is like I do every single morning and then we can finally head to school to get this day over with.. this is how every morning goes, I wouldn't have it any other way. This is what I'm used too

Once at school I walk hand in hand with Adam.. technically my boyfriend.. Well that's what he tells me we are. Adam uses me as a personal stress and sex toy. I tried to get out of it before but it never ends well.

at this stage I've just accepted this is my fate and that's how it works. I don't enjoy it but that's just life.

At least it keeps one of us happy. one of us being Adam of course. My needs have never mattered to him.

Adam starts talking to a big group of his friends, catching up over what they did last night. I put my hand in his and he kisses the side of my head. Making me want to vomit but I just stand there chill instead and smile.