Finding Me (URBAN)

If I'm In Love

Indigo's POV

I got a question I wanna ask my momma

But shes been gone for some years now

I need the answers I want to ask my friends

But they're to cool to be honest

And she's gone take it the wrong way if I question her

It just might break her heart man

I can't ask my girl

So I'mma ask Lennon

And I'mma ask Donny

And I'mma ask Stevie

And I'mma ask Prince

If I'm in love

If I'm in love

My headphones won't lie if I'm in love

Tell me tell me

If I'm in love

My headphones won't lie if I'm in love

Tell me tell me

Am I in love?

I let the tears fall as I packed everything I could fit into my suitcase. Frank Ocean seemed like he was speaking directly to me as I listened to the song. Am I in love? And if I am, why is this shit hurting me this bad? I thought love was suppose to make a person happy? At least for the most part.

But here I am, crying, pregnant, and with a nigga who can't even seem to take his dick out the next bitch long enough to find our kids.

I sunk to the floor and just cried. No one but a mother could understand what I'm going through.

I wrapped my arms around my stomach and held on.

"I'm so sorry peanut....I'm so so sorry"

I cried and rocked myself. Tryna make my baby understand I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't mean for my childhood to be like that, I didn't mean to be a teen mom, I didn't mean to fall in love with a dude like Messiah, I didn't mean for my daughter to come up missing, and I damn sure didn't mean to get pregnant.

My life has always been bad, but my heart has never hurt like this

"Indigo? What are you doing?"

I didn't even have to look up to see who it was

I wiped my tears and slowly stood up

"Nothing Messiah. Move"

He looked at me and I just looked at the ground

I heard him sigh

"Baby look I'm sorry iight? It that what you want? To hear me say I'ma fuck up?"

I looked up at him and straight slapped the fuck out of him

"No, you fucking dumb ass! I want you to find my babies and leave me the fuck alone! That's what I want!"

He licked the blood from the corner of his mouth and sighed

"I'ma find them. Don't worry about that. We leaving tonight. But I will never leave you alone Indi so shut that shit up"

He looked down at my belly then slowly walked towards me so that I backed up against the wall

He got to his knees and placed his hands on my belly

I watched him and started crying against

"Indigo...Baby look I'm sorry, okay? I know I'm not the best nigga right now and all these tears are because of me, but you can't leave me." He lifted up my shirt and kissed my belly softly