Finding Me (URBAN)

You tell me

Indigo's POV

After getting Nyla to bed, Dev came over and come on I had to tell my main bitch about everything that happened!

"So you telling me that you didn't take ol dude up on his offer? Girrrrllll! Whatcha running from? Matter of fact, keep running from him and let him run to me!"

I just laughed at his crazy ass. Always thinking he can turn a straight man gay.

"Dev stfu. Messiah...he's an I don't know type of nigga. You know I am, I don't just pop this for anybody. Tf I look like giving it up after knowing him for 2 days? I just found out the niggas name today!"

"So! You said he texted you, what did he say?"

Dev grabbed my phone and started scrolling through my phone

"Tf he put his name under?"

I rolled my eyes and mumbled "Hubby with some fucking hearts."

He must of found the text because his eyes started darting from side to side and the nigga had the nerve to read the shit outloud.

Hubby ♡♡♡ : Look ma, I'm sorry if I came on to strong. I didn't even mean it like that. You're a beautiful woman and I just wanna get to know you. Once again I'm sorry and if you ever need anything, anything at all, I'ma phone call away.

Devin looked up at me and smacked his lips

"You scared of the D ain't you? It has been 3 years since yo ass got any."

"Nigga shut that shit up. I'm not scared of the D. His ass probably been in every female that he has seen."

"Expect yo ass and obviously he still tryna talk to yo stubborn ass. Indi baby, you gotta get back out there"

I sighed and laid back against the carpet

"You say the shit like I can clap my hands and be done with it and move on"

Devin laid down next to me and looked at the ceiling

"Indigo, I've known you for years. And in those years all you've done is raise my Goddaughter. I'm not knocking you for that because you've done an amazing job, but what about you? When are you gonna finally take some time out for yourself and just have fun? I know you've been hurt baby, but you gotta let someone in"

I just kept staring at the ceiling and listening to Devin preach to me.

I know I need to move on and just accept it. The sad thing is, I have accepted it. I learned a long time ago to forgive my father for what he did and forgive my ex for beating my ass, but these trust issues? Nah they still there.

My thing is, why trust anyone besides God? Everyone is human, therefore everyone is bound to cause some type of pain and heartache. Especially these niggas.

My childhood was bad, worse then some could imagine. When my uncle died I had to strip in order to just survive and provide while going to college. I've had to work hard my whole life and learn to not complain. I thank God every day that my daughter and I made it out of that situation everyday. I thank God that I have the strength to get up every day and try to go through the motions.

Funny thing is, what's all I'm doing. I'm going through the motions but I don't feel like I'm living my life.

Everyday I get up, get Nyla ready for school, make breakfast, get her to school, get to work, work my ass off, and then come home and be the best mom I can be.

I attend every single recital, reharshal, doctors appointment, parent teacher conference, and everything in between. Dont get me wrong now, I love my daughter and I'll always be there for everythjng, but that night at the club...When I met Messiah and I let loose, that's that first time I've done that in years..

And I liked it. And as strange as it may sound, I miss his annoying ass comments.

"I guess you're right"

I sat up and grabbed my phone.

Shit, might as well right?

I scrolled through my contacts and stopped when I came to Hubby ♡♡♡

I hit the dial button and took a deep breathe

You tell me if I'm doing the right thing ...