Finding Me (URBAN)

Forgive and Forget

Indigo's POV

I told Messiah to drop the girls off at grandma Joss's house because I couldn't worry about them right now. I feel myself slippin into someone I haven't been in a long time. The fear is coming back but with that shit is coming all the anger I thought I burried. I was dead ass wrong.

I paced the floor in the foyer, waitin on Messiah to get back. I told him him I didn't wanna go because one,  I would back out and two, I would regret backing out. It's time I release everything.

I heard the horn honk and I sighed.

Now or never right?

I locked up the house and looked up at the sky as it rained.

Soooo the weather is tryna go along with my mood? Ain't this bouta bitch. It was dark and light rain was coming down. I was tryna forgive and forget and go enjoy some sunshine, not sit in my house and cry about shit...Again.

I sighed again and looked at Messiah as he got out the car. He slowly walked up to me and I smiled a little.

He was dressed in all black and his eyes were blood shot. Nigga has definitely been stressed.

"Aye, you cool? You know what this is a mistake, I'll take care of it." He said as he pushed me to the side a little and unlocked the door. He pushed it opened and looked at me

"I got this. Just go inside and I'll-"

"No. You wasted time, breath, and energy coming all the way up the driveway and saying a mini speech. I'm going. This isn't even about you Messiah. You can't protect me from what's already happened. It happened and I need to get over this shit. Now lock up the house and I'll be in the car."

I turned and walked to the car.

I had to jump up a little to get in the car but once I was seated I looked their the window shield and watched Messiah.

He walked towards the car and instead of getting in the car, he came to my side and opened the door.

"I'm not tryna protect you from the past. None of it concerned me until you became the mother of my children and the biggest part of my life. I know you stressed, but stop snappin on me. I'm here to help. All I was tryna do was make sure you're really ready for this. We all know you are not a killer"

I didn't even look at him but my hands moved to my stomach. The baby started kicking as soon as he heard the sound of Messiah's voice.

"Indi..You cool?" He asked as he placed his hands on my stomach "is the baby iight?"

"Can we go."

He sighed then kissed the side of my head and shut the door.

The whole way there, I just got more scared. I really dont give a damn if some of y'all think i needa be strong or a "Boss" about this shit. I'm about to meet the man who caused all my problems in life for the first time since I seen my mom killed. He destroyed my childhood and didn't give a fuck about it. He destroyed my family and came back to finish his job. He hurt me in ways you couldn't even imagine. I trust no one because of him. I can't even trust the man I'm having a baby with fully. Partly because of his own fucks up and the other half because I haven't fully gotten over what he did. It seems like every man I come in contact with hurts me. Expect for Dev, but that nigga is a female just as much as I am. Speaking of Dev he never came because of some family issues and I completely understood. I know I can't always depend on Dev to keep me grounded and sane, I gotta learn to do that for myself but it's hard. I've been leaning on him since before I can remember. He was there when I had the nightmares. He was there when I felt like a bad mother because I couldn't even keep the lights on for Lala when I was going through college. He was there through everything and he never once turned his back on me like everyone else.